there are a few phrases i can't verbally say to anyone. so, the only way i let it out is by writing it in a note or just hope that they will know how i feel by instinct. haha, i guess you can call me a wimp.
i can't say "i love you" to anyone, not even my parents. i've gotten better at that, though. i learned how to write it. that's a huge step. another thing i can't really say is a proper goodbye. i feel awkward. but lately, friends have left or are leaving san diego. most of them will remain in california for the time being but a few will be gone out of state for awhile and who knows when i'll ever see them again.
so, to those whom i won't see for awhile.. i'm going to miss you, friends. a lot. thank you for your friendship and for the good times in san diego. good luck with your future endeavors and hopefully, our paths will cross one day :)
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. -- Romans 15:13
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
direction
today's sermon on "direction" by Matt JDSN was really good and it hit me hard.
post-college life has been challenging. after graduation, i was utterly confused with my future. i know i had told many people that my plans were to look for a job/internship in the accounting field while studying for the cpa exam. but then it hit me.. is this really what i want to do for the rest of my life? during the month of june, i was so lost and i think i went into "post-college depression." it had finally hit me that i'm really done with college and it's on to the next step. but i didn't know what that step was or even how to get on that step. i started questioning myself, "why am i pursuing to be an accountant? is this something i really want to do or is it because my parents approve of it?" also, with accounting, it's a very stable job and that's such a huge plus, given our economic situation right now. with that in mind, it seemed like that's what i should do.
but during my "post-college depression" (okay, not really a depression. that sounds a bit too dramatic), i began to wonder, "if i decide not to go into accounting, then what would i do? what can i do? what am i passionate about?" i really wish i had a visible skill or talent and somehow build a career out of that. har har.
however, today's message has taught me that i've been asking the wrong questions. some of the things i was reminded of was that i need to fully think through what i want in life but it should be in line with God's plan. also, i need to ask myself, "am i planning with wisdom? what's the motivation behind my plans? is it pure?" finding a direction is not enough. planning is not enough. even the purest of my plans can be subverted so i should plan in recognition that God can overturn it. i've been thinking so much about that one perfect career for "the rest of my life" when in reality, i need to be open to the possible changes in the future.
Matt JDSN did a great job reminding me of how we should trust God with e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. we shouldn't be so consumed with ourselves and should not worry about our lives since He is with us. He is in control. Matt put it best when he said, "the best of your planning is being confidentally uncertain until God wills it."
right now, being at a spiritual low (probably the lowest of the lows), it's hard for me to have trust and to have faith. it makes me really anxious when i see that i don't have a direction. i'm so very lost... but, today's message gives me comfort and a bit of hope. i hope that God will show me my path and that i will gladly follow Him every step of the way.
post-college life has been challenging. after graduation, i was utterly confused with my future. i know i had told many people that my plans were to look for a job/internship in the accounting field while studying for the cpa exam. but then it hit me.. is this really what i want to do for the rest of my life? during the month of june, i was so lost and i think i went into "post-college depression." it had finally hit me that i'm really done with college and it's on to the next step. but i didn't know what that step was or even how to get on that step. i started questioning myself, "why am i pursuing to be an accountant? is this something i really want to do or is it because my parents approve of it?" also, with accounting, it's a very stable job and that's such a huge plus, given our economic situation right now. with that in mind, it seemed like that's what i should do.
but during my "post-college depression" (okay, not really a depression. that sounds a bit too dramatic), i began to wonder, "if i decide not to go into accounting, then what would i do? what can i do? what am i passionate about?" i really wish i had a visible skill or talent and somehow build a career out of that. har har.
however, today's message has taught me that i've been asking the wrong questions. some of the things i was reminded of was that i need to fully think through what i want in life but it should be in line with God's plan. also, i need to ask myself, "am i planning with wisdom? what's the motivation behind my plans? is it pure?" finding a direction is not enough. planning is not enough. even the purest of my plans can be subverted so i should plan in recognition that God can overturn it. i've been thinking so much about that one perfect career for "the rest of my life" when in reality, i need to be open to the possible changes in the future.
Matt JDSN did a great job reminding me of how we should trust God with e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. we shouldn't be so consumed with ourselves and should not worry about our lives since He is with us. He is in control. Matt put it best when he said, "the best of your planning is being confidentally uncertain until God wills it."
right now, being at a spiritual low (probably the lowest of the lows), it's hard for me to have trust and to have faith. it makes me really anxious when i see that i don't have a direction. i'm so very lost... but, today's message gives me comfort and a bit of hope. i hope that God will show me my path and that i will gladly follow Him every step of the way.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
cursed
i'm seriously cursed with computers. :( sigh sigh SIGH.
during the past 10 years of having a computer, i've had about 3 crashes and 4 major viruses and i'm pretty sure i've had many minor viruses, too. just recently, i got my 5th major virus. it started out as me not being able to use facebook. and then one day, BAM. my computer went haywire. unlike the other viruses, this virus pretended as if it was an antivirus program and it had asked me to purchase its product (at the time, i didn't know the virus was the "antivirus program"). being the naive, gullible, stupid girl that i am, i thought it was legit. it most surely looked legit -- it looked like this other antivirus program i've seen. anyways.. i wanted to get rid of the virus so i said, "ok. i'll buy this." i entered my credit card info and the last 4 digits of my social. (i cringe as i type this..) thank God that bank of america is such an awesome, awesome bank! it didn't let me complete the transaction but rather, the bank sent me an email saying i had irregular check card activity. and, the next day the bank had phoned my home in norcal 3 times.
but, back to the story. so, when i typed in all my information and as i saw that i wasn't able to purchase the program, i thought the virus was preventing me from completing my transaction. the next day, i took my computer to a friend (a computer genius, by the way) and he said, "you have a virus. you see this so-called antivirus program that keeps popping up on your computer? it looks so real but this is the actual virus." i turned to him and said, "..wait, what?? THIS is the virus?? omigosh.."
surprisingly, i didn't panic. nor did i freak out. i was more embarrassed by my naivety, and worried, of course. i'm not sure what's going on right now but all i know is that the bank restricted me and the bad guy from using my card and i need to get a new card with a new credit card number. i'm nervous about the social security ordeal but i'm hoping it won't come to identity theft.. i'll be freaking out by then, for sure.
anyways, i'm so sick of these viruses. why are there such smart yet evil people out there creating this? if they are that smart to make viruses, then they can definitely use their smart minds for something GOOD, no? :( and how come i am so prone to have viruses on my computer? i'm so scared to use the internet. even now, i'm using someone else's computer.. :*(
during the past 10 years of having a computer, i've had about 3 crashes and 4 major viruses and i'm pretty sure i've had many minor viruses, too. just recently, i got my 5th major virus. it started out as me not being able to use facebook. and then one day, BAM. my computer went haywire. unlike the other viruses, this virus pretended as if it was an antivirus program and it had asked me to purchase its product (at the time, i didn't know the virus was the "antivirus program"). being the naive, gullible, stupid girl that i am, i thought it was legit. it most surely looked legit -- it looked like this other antivirus program i've seen. anyways.. i wanted to get rid of the virus so i said, "ok. i'll buy this." i entered my credit card info and the last 4 digits of my social. (i cringe as i type this..) thank God that bank of america is such an awesome, awesome bank! it didn't let me complete the transaction but rather, the bank sent me an email saying i had irregular check card activity. and, the next day the bank had phoned my home in norcal 3 times.
but, back to the story. so, when i typed in all my information and as i saw that i wasn't able to purchase the program, i thought the virus was preventing me from completing my transaction. the next day, i took my computer to a friend (a computer genius, by the way) and he said, "you have a virus. you see this so-called antivirus program that keeps popping up on your computer? it looks so real but this is the actual virus." i turned to him and said, "..wait, what?? THIS is the virus?? omigosh.."
surprisingly, i didn't panic. nor did i freak out. i was more embarrassed by my naivety, and worried, of course. i'm not sure what's going on right now but all i know is that the bank restricted me and the bad guy from using my card and i need to get a new card with a new credit card number. i'm nervous about the social security ordeal but i'm hoping it won't come to identity theft.. i'll be freaking out by then, for sure.
anyways, i'm so sick of these viruses. why are there such smart yet evil people out there creating this? if they are that smart to make viruses, then they can definitely use their smart minds for something GOOD, no? :( and how come i am so prone to have viruses on my computer? i'm so scared to use the internet. even now, i'm using someone else's computer.. :*(
Friday, July 03, 2009
i love.... :)
one of the kids i tutor is korean and is 5 years old. her name is ellen and she's going to be in first grade soon. she's cute, smart, very girly (she's always wearing a pretty dress), and greets everyone with a bright smile on her adorable face. some things she loves is the color pink, chocolate, and hannah montana.
but today, i found out that that's not the only thing she loves...hehe.. :P
while reading with her today, she suddenly got up and grabbed blank pieces of pink paper. or so i thought. on each pink paper were scribbles of "i love [insert boy's name]" and red hearts all over the name. there were about 4 names! each love note was dedicated to a boy. the boys' names ranged from alex to diego. ahaha, diego... i asked her about these boys and she gave me a bashful smile. teeheehee 'twas so cute!~ :)
it reminded me of how children can love so easily. and how their love is so simple, so innocent, so pure. without any complications and worries. and i remember how i used to scribble a boy's name on any given paper and would write their last name as my last name. "Mrs. Selena [insert boy's last name]." hahaha, ohh how young and naive i was. hehe :)
i wonder who's name i will scribble if i get married.... hehehe just kiddingggg!!!! :P
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