thank You

i'm truly thankful for everyone and everything in my life. from the basic needs such as a home, food, clothes, and clean water. to the special people like family, friends, and my good ole' heavenly Father. and for this particular entry, i'd like to give a shout out to those whom i love so dearly.

God: i am always forever thankful for Him and my salvation. it's because of Him that i'm capable of accepting me for who i am. that i can take delight in my hardships and struggles. that i know that everything will be all right. these past couple of months, my relationship with my Father has been stronger than ever. it's been completely amazing and i pray that my faith in Him will remain strong and continue to grow.

family: dad lost his job a few months ago and mom recently got into a car accident. i must admit, this was kind of hard for me to be thankful for. but God always prevails. now that my dad is at home, he helps my mom a lot around the house. this was a man who never, ever did any household chores but rather idly sat on the couch with his eyes glued to the tv. but now he's a hardworking house-husband who knows how to make a good kimchi jjigae. haha, wow. i'm really happy and thankful that he's finally helping and appreciating my mom for all that she does. and as for my mom.. this car accident has shaken her up a bit. but, she's ok and i'm just glad it wasn't a fatal accident. and amidst all the complaints i made about her in the previous entry, i know that she just cares about me a lot. love hurts sometimes, haha :)

friends: the old and the new friends. the honest and genuine friendships. a few weeks ago, i was hurt by someone who i thought was a friend. i was pretty much wallowing in my sorrow but thankfully, i realized how ridiculous i was being. i had temporarily forgotten about the real friends that i do have and how important these brothers and sisters are in my life. i'm so, so tremendously thankful for my friends who have accepted this random and quirky girl who asks one too many questions :P

and one more thing i'm thankful for...

my blog: i'm thankful for this blog in which i can freely write about anything. but i want to give thanks to you, the reader. this might sound strange but as you read this blog, i kind of believe that you're letting a little bit of me be a part of your life. and for that, i'm very thankful :)

i hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving this year, 2009. let's not be thankful on just this one day but be thankful all year round :) happy thanksgiving!

you drive me crazy

every time i come home for break, i get a bit nervous because i know my mom will ask about boys and dating. some of the things she says are pretty funny and ridiculous. but now, she's taken it to another level...

last night, i came home for thanksgiving break. when i came inside the house, my mom looked me up and down, and examined my face.

"what is up with your hair? and why don't you wear makeup? you're not a child anymore.. can you please, like, dress up? you can't attract guys like this..."

i was wearing a black jacket with blue jeans. and my hair was down but a bit messy because i had just gotten off the plane. why in the world would i want to dress up for an airplane ride??

after she criticized the way i looked and after adding more harsh comments, she asked, "you like girls, huh? are you a lesbian?"

ok. now i'm going to vent. WHAT THE HECK. is my goal in this world to get a guy?! am i suppose to be a girl who centers her life around boys?! and dating?! my mom is sooo....UGHHHH...... i'm sorry that i ain't boy-crazy, nor am i a super girly girl who cares for only makeup and fashion and all that superficial things (it also helps that i don't have money).

sigh... i do care about the way i look (who doesn't?) and yea, there are many things i'd like to shop for...but, really? is it really necessary to dress up in order to attract guys? is that my purpose in life? really?? that's sooo stupid! why do i need to revolve myself around boys, especially when they're mostly jerks? (i'm going through a i-hate-boys phase right now so forgive me if i offend anyone)

my goal in life is to live for God. my life is centered around Him and Him alone. not boys, not dating, not makeup and all the other worldly things. my main focus is God and what i can accomplish in this world before i die. i want to make the world a better place. i don't know how i'll do that through accounting but, i really hope that i can leave an impact on someone or something before i depart from this earth. THAT'S my goal. my passion. my purpose.

i wish i can make my mom understand that i really, strongly don't care about boys, and that i'm content with who i am. sigh. if only she and my dad could live their lives for God. then maybe she could grasp a little of how i feel and where i'm coming from.

kimchi jjigae

i made my first kimchi jjigae, hehe :) i rarely cook so this is kind of a big deal for me, even though it's really not a big deal at all.

cooking ain't easy. i don't know how my mom does it everyday after coming home late from work. there were countless times when i'd complain to her about the food. like, i want this but not this. or, i don't like this but i like this. my dad didn't make it easier on her, either, being the picky man that he is. man, it really makes me appreciate my mom a lot, a lot. if i can be at least half the woman she is, i'd be so grateful. but dang, i don't think i can be a mom...or a wife. it seems so hard! haha :P

anyways, here are pictures of my kimchi jjigae that i made for my dear christine. i used kimchi, pork, onions, gochujang (red pepper paste), and tofu:



next item on my list: doenjang jjigae! :)

yiruma

i'm really liking yiruma these days. he's a famous korean pianist who produces very elegant and beautiful music. it's so pretty and i can't get enough of it. it's so peaceful to listen to and it sounds a bit romantic. that's probably why some of his compositions have been featured in korean dramas, hehe. i really like his music.

when i was in high school, my dream was to be a music producer who created music much similar to yiruma's. i even considered applying to music schools, but the mother wanted me to attend a u.c like all asian parents. but, i don't blame her one bit. i would've never been able to produce such great music like yiruma's or hans zimmer, the talented composer who produced songs for more than 100 films including "pirates of the caribbean," "lion king," "the dark knight," "gladiator," etc, etc. ah, i miss playing the piano so much. i can't wait to go home this thanksgiving break and befriend my piano once again :)

yiruma's "river flows in you" is one of my favorites. check it out! it's currently my ringtone ♥ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1p_ebSseEq8

(special thanks to my dear wifey, christine jung, for introducing me to yiruma)

i look like a what?!

someone said i look like a kangaroo.

...what the random. i'm not sure if i simply remind that person of a kangaroo or if i really look like one. i guess i do jump up and down a lot.. but that's only when i'm happy or excited!

...perhaps i should stop jumping up and down. but what can i say? i'm free-spirited! haha :P

i didn't remember how a kangaroo looked like so i googled it and came across this picture:
hrm.. interesting. well, anyway, what animal do YOU look like? :)

**update: someone else told me i look like a pony. random.

sigh

sigh. how can a person whom you've had many great chats with and fun hangouts with just.. throw it all away? how can that person just.. no longer want to be a friend? no longer want to care for you as a person? no longer be comfortable to talk to you? it's so hard for me at times because that person and i have mutual friends. when these mutual friends talk about this person, i always have to put on a fake smile and pretend that we have a good relationship. and i always have to think of something nice to say about that person, when in reality, i'm hurting inside.

sigh. i'm selfish. i'm used to getting things my own way, in terms of friendships. if i want to be friends with someone, we usually become friends. but with this person, it's not possible. i'm trying to learn how to accept it but it's soo frustrating. maybe if we didn't have any mutual friends then it'd be easier for me to not care about this person. and honestly, we don't even need to be good friends. just, someone who will be comfortable around me rather than dump me as if i hadn't existed to begin with. dangit. if i had done something to harm this person, then i can accept this person throwing me away. but that's not even the case! nothing bad happened at all! :(

sigh. this person did no wrong at all. everyone's views on friendship is different and i know that i should respect that person's beliefs. i need to move on and perhaps try my best to erase the memory of this so-called friendship. i know that with time i won't be hurting anymore. but gosh. i hate knowing that someone out there is uncomfortable with me. well, i guess it's better being uncomfortable rather than being hated on.

... i care too much. i care too much about people and the little things like memories. that's really bad. if you care too much, you can get hurt easily. damnit. i should learn from the korean girl group, 2ne1, and sing their song, "i don't care." haha just kidding. sort of.

so proud

one of the happiest moments in my life is when the kids i tutor excitedly tell me that they did really well on their tests. i guess this is how parents feel when they watch their kids get good grades, or perform in the school play, or play in a sports game, and the list goes on.

today at tutoring, my 8th grade girl showed me her math quiz and test that she passed with flying colors. she's the top student in her math class right now, and i am so proud of her. according to her mom, she hasn't been doing too well in math for the previous years. but starting this new school year, i've seen her improve so much. and i'm so happy for her. after my session with the girl, her 6th grade brother walked in the room. he and i work on math and english, but i have him study more english than math. anyway, he proudly said that he got a 100% on his weekly vocabulary test, and i've noticed that these weeks, he's always been getting a perfect score on his tests. i'm so proud of him as well. here is cheyenne and vincent:
and finally, my 6 year old kid is reading with more confidence and fluency. she can pronounce hard words such as "rouge." i don't even know what that means! when i was 6, i was reading words like, "the cat in the hat" or something. haha, oh dear. this is ellen with her 2 yr old brother, brian:

i'm so proud of these kids. and i'm so glad that i can be of some help to them rather than steal money from their parents. hehe, just kidding! i like my kids very much :)

**on a side note, i just looked up "rouge" on dictionary.com. it means, "any of various red cosmetics for coloring the cheeks or lips." hahaha ok, whatever :P

relieved

the struggle with the cpa board is over. and now the battle between God vs. the unknown (that i had mentioned in my earlier post) is finally over. these past few weeks when my patience was running thin, i was unable to sleep and eat properly. oh gosh, that sentence sounds hella dramatic (fyi: i am not a drama queen).

however, for the first time last night, i was able to sleep so peacefully. and it felt so good.

i'm so grateful that i have finally learned how to first turn to God when i'm faced with challenges. but i must admit, it's kind of hard. my impatience usually gets the better of me and so, i want to take things under my control and make up my own answers and solutions to my problems. but in the end, i realize that i know nothing.

during my qt tonight, i came upon this verse: I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears. -- Psalms 34:4

even though we often become really impatient with God and tired of waiting for an answer, take comfort that He WILL answer. and there may be times when we don't like how He answers our prayers because it may not be what we want, but always remember that He has His reasons and no doubt, His reasons are waaayyyy better than our foolish desires.

phew. i'm so relieved. relieved that i can sleep. i can eat. no need to think about these struggles anymore. all i'm thinking about now is.... thanksgiving and christmas break! whee. yummy food. good company. home sweet home :)