all-nighter

woah. i haven't pulled an all-nighter in so many years!! and today's all-nighter is REAL. i didn't even take a nap!! o.O and i'm still not tired!~ a bit restless, yes. but not sleepy at all! heh heh.

dear coffee, you are simply amazing. caffeine does wonders.

it is currently 5:43am. the first sound of a bird's chirp began around 5:34am and now they won't stop chirping! i feel like they are taunting me... -_-

d-day is tomorrow. sigh. just do your best, selena!

by the way, THANK YOU to those who have wished me good luck through surprise emails, texts, and prayers!! oh my goodness, i am so deeply touched :*) and thank you, God, for helping me get through this crazy week. just one more day and i'll be able to rest. can't wait :)

go away, sleep

sleep. is. for. the. WEAK.

dang, i am so so weak... :(

can we be friends again?

when i was a little girl, i got upset very easily and i became an expert at giving STs (silent treatments) to those who i was mad at, haha. there were many incidents where my childhood best friend, bernie (short for bernadette), and i got mad at each other. but our silly anger would usually subside after lunchtime or at most a day. but one time, it lasted for a few days... or maybe even a week?? i don't know, but it seriously felt like a month... the saddest "month" of my life!

we were in second grade, so i think we were about 8 years old. i was sporting the asian bowl cut hairstyle (ughhh) while bernie's hair was very short and suited her tomboyish personality. anyway, i'm not sure what had happened at recess but i remember i got mad at her. i'm not a fighter, nor am i a confronter, so i did what i always did best -- gave her the ST.

man, i was such a brat. bernie and i had the same group of friends, so during recess or during lunch, i'd talk and laugh with the other friends while purposely making her feel excluded. this went on for several days but during those long and grueling days, i remember feeling so miserable. i missed talking and playing with my best friend. eventually, i wrote her a note that said, "can we be friends again?" and below the question, i drew a 'yes' box and a 'no' box, haha. i remember nervously handing her the note at the beginning of class. she made me wait for her answer until the end of the day. omigosh, waiting for her reply felt like an eternity! hehe, anyways. she had checked the 'yes' box, and we played happily ever after (until we went to different highschools).

why am i sharing this story when i only have a week left until my exam?

because focusing on my studies have been brutally hard. because i'm kind of going through the same thing as i had with bernie except i'm not mad at anyone and i've abandoned ST altogether. but my friendship with bernie was put on hold. and my current friendship has been like that, too -- at a halt in front of a stoplight that is reluctant to change from red to green. sigh.

(not that you'll ever read this.. but..)

can we be friends again? please?

you'll be fine

happy and new couples are blossoming left and right. nice.

simultaneously, there are others facing break-ups. i'm sorry.

and then there are those who have ended without even beginning. again, i'm sorry.

but you know what? you'll be okay. i promise. you will :)

Usher - Separated

"So why don't you go your way,

And I'll go mine.

Live your life, and I'll live mine.

Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine.

'Cause we're better off, separated."

i got this.

staying up late to study used to be a piece of cake. so, why can't i do that now? :(

starting today, i will try my best to stay up late (at least until 2am! i've been sleeping at 12:30am) and wake up early (6am! thank you, starbucks, for opening early) and study away and away and away! sleep less. study more. pray always.

less than 2 weeks left. i can't wait until the end of april. until then, i'll flood every parts of my brain with accounting materials, caffeinate (by the way, this is not a word. it should be, though) my body so that i can stay awake and be alert, and while doing all of this, i hope i'll remember to praise His name daily.

selena, you got this. suffer for the next few days, and after april 30, you can rest. and play. and see friends! and sleeeeeeep to your heart's content.

realistically speaking, though, i'm pretty screwed... oye! *shakes head* no, no, no. i got this.

[special thanks to my dt girl, michelle pak, who reminded me of this: "no pain, no gain."]

You and only You

"My savior loves, my savior lives.

My savior's always there for me.

My God He was, my God He is

My God is always gonna be."

Father, I desperately want You.

a bear hug

sometimes, all we want and all we need is someone to show us compassion.

a pulitzer prize-winning photographer who is now a professor at san jose state helped stopped an attempted burglary at a bank by putting the suspect in a bear hug.

"when he (the professor) bear-hugged that would-be robber, he didn't struggle. in fact, he went limp, stood still, and waited for the police to arrive." (when the police came, the professor had been hugging the robber for 10 minutes with nobody else around them).

glee

one of my new favorite shows, "glee," has finally returned after a four month hiatus. yay :)

i like shows and movies and etc. mainly because it's entertaining and enjoyable, but sometimes, it's because i want to temporarily escape the real world. today, when i started the new episode of "glee," i was hoping to fall into a magical realm where i could forget who i was. but dang. i saw myself in one of the characters and was reminded of my life and the situation that i've fallen into. it's kind of crazy how i can relate almost the exact same way to this fictional character. the timing of the show's return was impeccably perfect. i don't know if this is a good or a bad thing, but it did kind of freak me out.

i know that the show and the characters aren't real. but i really hope the character that i can relate to will have a happy ending. as for me, i know that God will provide me with His right ending and i'll be joyful with it no matter what.

anyhoo. here is a picture of one of my favorites in "glee." emma pillsbury (hehe, i really like her name ^_^). she's so cute, feminine, and very lady-like. she's also very naive, innocent, and has a kind heart. i love the way she dresses, and her germaphobic quirk makes me love her even more :)

help

my mind feels so cluttered and dirty. why can't i just focus on ONE thing? i feel like my mind is a storage room filled with bajillion manila folders that were suppose to be filed and locked away. but i guess a tornado struck my brain and now, all those once neatly organized folders are scattered and opened, and there are piles and piles of paper everywhere! argh.

less than 3 weeks left. and i have soo much to learn. in this mess of a tornado, i'm trying not to let other things distract me. i just gotta clear my mind, shove all those papers away, spend my days with mr. becker (the name of the cpa review course) and let God take control! mhmm! *nods*

dear God, i need help.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. -- Isaiah 41:10

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. -- Philippians 4:13

time

... is a beautiful and precious gift from God.

the concept of time. 60 seconds in an hour. 24 hours in a day. 7 days in a week. i'm going to be selfish and say, "man, i want more time."

i want more time to spend with old and new faces. i want more time to truly get to know people. i want more time to be productive in all my responsibilities. i want more time to think, read, pray, study, and reflect. i want more time with God and actively listen to His voice.

i also want to stop time. just for a moment. kind of like a snapshot. to put life into stand-still and enjoy each and every moment of my life.

but alas, time just keeps going and going and going without a care in the world... sigh.

time is also very beautiful in the sense that it helps you heal. as time passes by, those troubles that you have, those sufferings that you've endured... it won't hurt anymore. time heals you and eventually, it'll help you move on with life. but do remember that it's not the power of time that does all this. but it's the power of God. He uses time to heal your wounds, to help you grow, and to make you stronger.

time. is. a very. good. thing. so, let's not waste it.

tea 'n more

tea 'n more has been my 3rd home for these past couple of months. the 1st one is my actual apartment (crossroads!) and the 2nd one is biomed library at ucsd. why am i dedicating an entry to tea 'n more? because for the first time, i took off my earphones and i realized that not only do they repetitively play asian music but they also play christian music! :) i thought that's pretty cool.

and you know what else is cool? i'm falling in love with God everyday. He's my number one :) as much as i really like the singer taeyang (*blush*), he is NOTHING compared to my Holy Father. and i love how i love God. haha, did that sound redundant? eh, oh well~ :)

silly kids

i love my tutor kids :)

yesterday, 6-year old ellen, who's in first grade, asked what age you can have a boyfriend.

ellen: "kindergartners are too young to have a boyfriend! am i too young to have a boyfriend?"

me: "haha, yea, you're young, too."

ellen: "how old do you have to be to have a boyfriend? you have to be at least 7 years old, huh?"

me: "oh my goodness! 7 years old is too young, too!"

ellen: "what about 8 years old?"

hehehe... ^_^

and today, 12-year old vincent randomly blurted out that he doesn't want a wife but he wants kids. so, he's going to adopt a kid.

me: "haha, how come you don't want a wife?"

vincent: "i don't know. but i want a kid so i'm going to adopt one." (it's so funny to me that a 12-year old is telling me that he wants to adopt a kid when he himself is still a kid)

me: "hahaha, i think you'll want a wife...."

vincent: "....."

and right after that, he asked if i was married. o.O!!!!

kids ask and say the strangest things. but man, they're so cute :)