"if" moments

this week, i experienced a lot of "if" moments.

if i weren't so naive....

if it wasn't for this person....

if he/she had told me sooner....

if he/she only knew the truth....

if he/she hadn't said anything at all....

during times like these, i always wonder, "man, God. why couldn't this happen or why did You let that happen?" many situations could've been avoided. heartaches could've been prevented. my mind would be free of these fruitless thoughts. sigh.

but as i question a lot of these "if" moments, i'm reminded that they're all according to God's perfect plan; everything happens for a reason and everything happens in His time. my role as a christian daughter is to accept it, thank Him for it, and move on. there's no point mulling over the past. what's done is done!!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -- Jeremiah 29:11

life

Namesake -- Life is Beautiful

Life is full of, ups and downs

And life aint always, what it sounds

Just when you think, you got it down

The moment you realize, you’ve just lost ground

Uh, life aint always what it seems

And life aint always, what you hoped and dreamed

And some people you meet, they can kill your dreams

I don't understand why, they are so mean?

I mean, it’s just the way that people are

That’s why sometimes, I play my guitar

And just sing away, and play away

Until my problems come tumbling down

And life aint perfect, but it's still worth it

Don’t throw your life away, it’ll be a better day

And everyday I pray, and all I got’s to say

That life is just so beautiful today

Chorus:

Today I’m going to follow you

Today I’m going to walk with you

Today I’m going to run to you

Today I’m going to run to you, run to you Jesus (2x)

Life is full of, the good and bad

And sometimes, it’ll make you go mad

And, you don’t understand why it happened

Or why things happen, the way they do

and it’s alright, if you just don’t know

trust God, it’ll work out fo sho

and sometimes you just wanna scream,

and, whatever happened to my hopes and dreams

yo, It’s alright baby, ugh, shout your claim

Let the world know, ugh, what’s your name

Cause, when does life turn out the way we think

When its seems that dreams just start to sink

Like the Titanic, but don’t panic

You can’t stand it, but He’ll stand it

And everyday I pray, and it’ll be Okay

Cause life is still so beautiful today….

Chorus

Life is full of, hurts and pains yo

And, sometimes feels like a game yo

And I don’t understand, but I’m a be a man

Keep faith, that’s right, get through it man

I’m a keep on praising God,

Even though life’s hard, I’ll get through

And I’m a keep on praising You

Cause, life gives, and life takes and

People always in this world, just hate man

But don’t mind it, or rewind it

It aint worth it, cause your worth is

In what Christ did, and that’s real kid

He loves me, I love Him,

That’s success, my life wins

Cause my life – is in Him

and I’m a keep on, moving forward…

they make me happy

i've been feeling a lot better these days :) perhaps i just needed a really good meltdown (in my case, 2 meltdowns) to make me get back on my feet. hmm... or maybe it's because i'm surrounded by wonderful people. gosh, i'm so blessed and i'm so lucky... to have such supportive and caring brothers and sisters... to see the old and new friendships growing and becoming stronger... to be comfortable enough to show my vulnerability... i wonder if they know how much i really like all of them :) but... a part of me doesn't want to become too attached because i know i'm going to be so, so sad when these people (might) fade out of my life in the long run.... ah, i don't want to think about that. all i want to think about is how these people make me happy~

-- brothers: i've always wanted an older brother... and here i am, provided with more than one good brother. brothers who were the first ones to ask how i was doing. brothers who i am able to confide in. i've never experienced this many relationships with brothers until this year. i like them. i hope they will find good girls, hehe.

-- sisters: who else can i chat with for endless hours? :)

-- my cousin: i never thought my relationship with her would become as strong as it is now. to receive an email from her that asks, "hey, can i call you tomorrow?" is so awesome. you don't have to ask, you silly cousin! :P

--"entourage": i may not have a real friendship with these guys (minus one great buddy) but i love hanging out with them. they have so much fun, they're so spontaneous, and i find so much joy just by observing them and listening to them. they're funny people.

-- aptmate: i finally made a non-korean/non-christian friend in san diego. she's always so cheery, she makes and shares delicious food, and she graciously invites me to have fun with her and her friends. she's so cool. i like her a lot.

-- roommate: my good friend of 5+years moved into my room this month. she's hella psycho/creepy/crazy but i still like her. we call ourselves 2 peas in a pod. piglet and pooh. we're going to become 2 old, ghetto grannies together.

-- my tutor kids: i'm so proud of them!! :D

-- taeyang: my #1 celeb crush. i really, really like him a lot... he sings. he dances. hott eye candy. faithful christian. what more can i ask for? haha...