p90x

for a girl who hated p.e. back in the old days, i'm pretty proud of myself for being consistent with this rigorous training program. 90 days filled with various exercise techniques. me?! haha, yes.

this upcoming week will be my 4th week. i'm motivated to complete all 13 weeks (not sure what i'm going to do about the holidays but i'll try my best to not miss a single day). the program is definitely not easy, but it's a great stress-reliever. and boy, it feels super good after the workout. it gives me joy when a bead of salty sweat drips off my face because it shows that i'm really working hard.

if i can be motivated to do something that i've always disliked (ie. exercises), then surely i can find motivation to work hard in all aspects of my life. right? right.

so freakin' lost.

i wish someone would just tell me what to do and direct me in the path that i'm suppose to take. the freedom that we've been given to do whatever we want is good and all.... but too much of it has gotten me so confused and lost. do i continue studying for exams that i'm failing one after the other? or do i look for a job which asks for prior experience, knowing that i don't have any experience at all? should i move back home and hear the lectures from my parents? maybe all their nagging will push me to do something, at least! ughhhhhh!!!!!~~~ i freakin' don't know what the hell i'm doing, or what the hell i'm suppose to do. and why is God being sooo freakin' quiet?!

eff.

life is (not) fair

my tutor kid, ellen, and i were reading a book. one of the characters in the book complained that life was "so not fair." ellen looked up from her book and said, "life isn't fair? life IS fair! what is he (the character was a boy) talking about? life IS fair."

i looked at her and smiled. at the age of 7, life probably seems fantastic.

currently, i'm going through a rough patch in my life. and often, i feel as though life really is not fair. but God is fair. God is just. God is good.

ellen implored my eyes for an answer. i stared at this innocent child who doesn't have any worries... i don't even remember how that feels... but anyway, i whispered to ellen and said, "yea, you're right. life is fair." she smiled and went back to reading her book.