embrace all of it

"do not be scared to face the trials in your life but embrace them."  -- friend

"joy does not simply happen to us. we have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day."  -- henri nouwen

"it's suppose to hurt -- that's how you know it meant something." -- peter and the starcatcher

"there's always an open heaven upon you and the first thing God says to you every waking moment is, 'you are My beloved daughter, and I am pleased with you." -- friend

"Holy Spirit is not only suppose to lead you out of the wilderness but to purify you through the wilderness ... Jesus needed the Holy Spirit -- how much more do we need it." -- pastor miles of rock church

"i asked myself,
'can i marry this girl?'
and the answer was,
no."

the beauty of God (pt. 2)

i came on my blog to write about how i've been seeing the beauty of God in a break-up but i see that my last entry was about how i was experiencing the beauty of God through a relationship... oh, how funny.

is it strange to say that this particular break-up is much more beautiful than the relationship itself? so much good has been coming out of it. at first, i was so blinded by the pain and the hurt and the oh-so-many questions (oh my, the questions) to see God's love in this... but after the first week of nonstop crying, after grasping the reality of it all, i can't help but firmly believe that this break-up is sooo right and it was meant to happen.

early in the relationship, i had a gut feeling that this was suppose to end because i couldn't think of a better, a heart-wrenching trial in my life that would draw me closer to God, to help me grow in my faith, and to experience a deeper and more intimate relationship with Him. for a few days before the break-up, i had prayed to God to show me more of His love and blessings in my life, and to help me hunger and thirst for Him and Him alone. God was very quick to respond and He answered my prayers through this break-up (note to self: be careful on what and how you pray).

this break-up is really beautiful and yet, inexplicable. God has poured so much of His love through my family and friends. He knows that i couldn't face it alone and because He wants me to conquer this battle, He has provided so much support along the way. He's also been purifying me and disciplining me in prayer and word (Heb 12:11). He's also rebuked me in that i need to have a loving and forgiving heart (Eph 4:29, 32). most importantly, though, i'm seeing how the Spirit is as equally important as the Father and Son (Rom 8:2-6). these are just a few things that i have come to realize... the longer list is tucked away somewhere else, haha.

mm... i still wonder why it had to end, though. so suddenly, too. thought everything was going well... there were no fights, no arguments... just a whole bunch of God's provision.. and to be honest, sometimes i wonder if i did something wrong. or i was just not good enough. or we were not compatible enough. regardless, i know God has a reason for everything. so, i blindly trust in Him. again and again, i will follow. no questions asked.

thankYou, Jesus.

to be able to experience Your beauty in the "ugly trials" of my life..

to be able to walk in faith.

to stand firm and obey Your Word.

to accept and move on.

thankYou, Jesus.

that it was a healthy break-up.

that he was a faithful and devoted man of God.

that we can remain as friends.

that we are both being drawn closer to You.

thankYou, Jesus.

for Your love and blessings.

for Your overflowing Spirit.

for Your grace and strength.

for who You are.