a breath of fresh air

i'm finally at peace :) it feels soooo good. i've learned how to forgive and to love a person. that's HUGE! have you ever had to forgive someone who has wronged you? and not only forgive them, but genuinely love them and still care for them?

the bible teaches us to love and to forgive. it's so easy to hear this and nod in agreement. but actually applying this concept to a real-life situation?! oh my gosh. it's not as easy as you think. the journey is so painful and awfully discouraging. but when it finally comes to the end, it feels amazinggg. it's like this:

let's say you're trapped in a very tiny closet and you're running out of air. you're screaming for help but no one can hear you. you're panicking and fearing the worst, sweating and trembling in angst. but after what seems like hours, your hero saves you from the closet and you breathe in a new fresh of air. that first new breath of fresh air feels like heaven, doesn't it? you feel alive and rejuvenated.

that's what i'm feeling right now :) throughout my journey, i had a lot of emo moments and i endured a lot of pain. i knew that i wanted to be rid of it and the only way i could possibly do that was to seek God and ask Him for peace. but God wasn't going to just give me peace. He wanted me to earn that peace, and the only way to do that was to forgive and love this kid.

after so many months of feeling suffocated, i'm now able to breathe in my new breath of fresh air. thank You, Jesus.

epiphany #2

i remember writing about my first epiphany about a year ago. that epiphany was about how i realized that i never loved God. man. that was such an incredible lesson...

anyway, i had another huge epiphany last night and it brought me to happy tears. i learned that i shouldn't be idolizing friendships (in this case, christian friendships) and that if it is God's will that i am no longer to be close to someone, then it's totally okay. we may not have an earthly friendship, but we still have a heavenly relationship -- one that is eternal and forever. he/she will always be my brother/sister in Christ. we're still united by Christ's blood. how awesome is that?! totally awesome.

this past week, i had a lot of time to myself to think, reflect, pray, and meditate on His Word. for the past x months, i've been looking for peace, looking for an answer, and last night, God answered my prayer. it was so good. i've come to peace with myself and a certain kid. i can honestly say that as a sister-in-Christ, i love this kid.

thank You, Jesus :)

on my mind

i came back from a good bible study tonight. it made me think a lot. but now i have all these thoughts floating in my head that i'm just going to write them all out:

-- Christ's blood has given us eternal redemption. He has cleansed our conscience and has forgiven our sins. we've been purified inside and out! purified! but knowing all of this, i still feel so guilty and so filthy and so dirty. will i ever feel the cleansing of His blood?

-- as humans, we focus so much on how we appear before man. we focus so much on the external part first, and then we work on the internal part. but in order for the outside to be clean, we ought to be clean on the inside. to God, it is the internal changing of the heart that He wants to see. my heart has yet to change enough to be pleasing to His eyes. i have so much to work on.

-- my jundo (what is this in english? pastor-to-be?) is a good guy. although he's very sarcastic and often times, i have no idea how to approach his humor, he's still a good guy. he never fails to ask how i'm doing, he never fails to ask for my prayer requests... our young adult group is very blessed to have him. i hope he never reads this, haha.

-- a christian friendship should be glorifying to God. it should be edifying to both people as they support one another, and it should build each other up in Him. so, what happens if a christian friendship is not like this at all? should the 2 people break off the friendship and go their separate ways?

-- lost.