so freakin' lost.

i wish someone would just tell me what to do and direct me in the path that i'm suppose to take. the freedom that we've been given to do whatever we want is good and all.... but too much of it has gotten me so confused and lost. do i continue studying for exams that i'm failing one after the other? or do i look for a job which asks for prior experience, knowing that i don't have any experience at all? should i move back home and hear the lectures from my parents? maybe all their nagging will push me to do something, at least! ughhhhhh!!!!!~~~ i freakin' don't know what the hell i'm doing, or what the hell i'm suppose to do. and why is God being sooo freakin' quiet?!

eff.

life is (not) fair

my tutor kid, ellen, and i were reading a book. one of the characters in the book complained that life was "so not fair." ellen looked up from her book and said, "life isn't fair? life IS fair! what is he (the character was a boy) talking about? life IS fair."

i looked at her and smiled. at the age of 7, life probably seems fantastic.

currently, i'm going through a rough patch in my life. and often, i feel as though life really is not fair. but God is fair. God is just. God is good.

ellen implored my eyes for an answer. i stared at this innocent child who doesn't have any worries... i don't even remember how that feels... but anyway, i whispered to ellen and said, "yea, you're right. life is fair." she smiled and went back to reading her book.

alone

there once was a little girl who grew up all alone. all she had were her parents but they were rarely there for her. she liked school a lot because she didn't feel so alone there. she had friends to play with and talk to. but when she came home, she was reminded of how empty her life was. all she had was mister bear to give her comfort.

as this little girl grew up into a young lady, she learned that mister bear can't do much except give good hugs. she watched her parents grow old and frail. she saw her friends getting married off one by one, creating their own families. she realized that sooner or later, she may possibly be alone forever. she hoped that she, too, would be able to find a family she could call her own.

soon, this young lady turned into an old woman. the old age got the better of her parents... her friends all moved away from her and were too busy being moms and dads... she never found mister right. or maybe there was never a mister right for her. once again, except this time it was for forever, she was all alone with only mister bear to give her comfort.

it was only just a dream.....