norcal

when i entered college, one of the first questions i was asked was, "where are you from?" that's when i learned that there was a "pride battle" between norcalers and socalers. at first, i didn't understand what the big deal was; personally, i thought it was silly. i mean, c'mon. we're all from the same state! (it's like the whole "azn pride" thing back in middle/high school -.- lame). but slowly, i began to see a difference between norcal and socal. i can't fully explain this difference nor can i comprehend it... but i feel it.

i am a norcal girl. and i'm proud of it. it's my home. it's where i grew up. being back here, life just seems more real.

love

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

epiphany #3

i really welcome and value these yearly epiphanies. especially this new one.

there are 3 things that i want to become and one of them is to be a better and loving daughter. honestly, i treat my friends way better than my parents. not on purpose, of course. but it's just so much easier to express love and gratitude to friends. i don't know how to express these sentiments to my parents, and it might be because they've never known how to express them to me, either (i hold the korean culture responsible for this lack of endearment). either way, phone calls, hugs and the "L" word do not go hand-in-hand for my family. and so, i often pray to God to help me grow into an appreciative daughter who would be able to show affection to her parents.

in His timely manner, God has presented me with a trial that will put my words into action. and now i finally see that, through this ordeal, He is answering my prayer. all this time, i have been sulking and moping, crying and complaining about a broken family. but what i didn't see was the bigger picture in all of this -- that the ONE thing my parents need is love. and i am their only hope.

this whole time, i've been blaming the wrong person for this mess of a family i have. this whole time, it was I who was in the wrong. i selfishly avoided my mom's plea for help; i showed no remote signs of love to a father who so desperately needed it. i was a self-centered little girl who didn't know how to show love to the people who needed it the most. how insensitive i have been!

this painful affliction that has been cast upon my family for years is actually a hidden blessing from God. it is His way of teaching me on how to be that "better and loving daughter" that i've been praying to become. now, after having this epiphany, am i ready to put forth action to my words? hell no. i'm deathly afraid to talk to my old man. and i still don't know how to give comfort to my mom. but after 23 years of being on the sideline, i can't bare to watch all of us suffer anymore. i now see how important LOVE is and that the people who need to be shown love first should be one's family.

i'm going back home this upcoming week to spend some time with mom n pops. i'm not sure how things will be... but i'm hoping that taking this first step will lead to something good and bright in the future.