breathe

i had a verrry niiceee 2.5 weeks at home for the holidays. now, i'm back in sd which means back to reality! i wrote a loonggg list of things to do for the first half of 2012 and ohhmyyy, i'm already so overwhelmed. i'm having little panic attacks...

breatheeee....

one day at a time....

trust.in.Him.

yes? no?

me: "what is your new year's resolution?"

friend: "to be honest with myself"

i really like this. ever since the day i heard my friend's reply, i've been thinking on it a lot. how often are you honest with yourself.. how often are you true to yourself..

"... i don't think you know what you want... a lot of us don't know what we want.."

i've been hearing this a lot, too. and i think there's a lot of truth to it. more and more i'm beginning to see that i really DON'T know what i want. my imperceptible goals seem to be beyond reach and blurry. who i am but who i want to be are in paradox, leading to denial and occasional identity crises. who i acquaint myself with but the person(s) i want to be involved with are often contradictory. i am just a walking oxymoron.

a look back on 2011

i can't believe it's almost 2012 already. seriously, where did the time go?? this year, especially, seemed to have zoomed by within a blink of an eye. zoom!

what happened in 2011...

-- first baseball & basketball game

-- glee concert

-- fun san diego outings thanks to sammy

-- trip to CT/Boston/Washington DC

-- cousin daniel's wedding --> seeing his family for the first time since 8 or 9 years.

-- lunch with cousin moses & josh--> also been a couple of years since i last saw them

-- christmas eve with mom's side of the family (minus parents)--> cousin annie's engagement news!

-- harry potter marathon with cousin maria, aretha, john :) 19hrs 40mins.

-- mom's hatred of white hairs

-- first half of 2011 = depression; questioning life

-- volunteer for VITA & irvine internship for cpa office

-- no more cpa exams. yes to gmat and grad school

-- part-time accounting assistant

-- mama bear samoneem and cubbie sister esther

-- pepper spray

-- bible reading with katrina (to be completed in a year)

-- more constant struggles with the christian identity

-- thanksgiving with angela's beautiful family

-- unpleasant douche

-- fear of commitment

-- made a vow: no "bad" namjs.

-- deaths of osama bin laden & kim jong il

-- bye to la jolla. hello to mira mesa.

-- seeing more of the sinner in me

overall, 2011 was a decent year. it was very tough in the first half, but towards the later 6 months, things began to turn around. i think one of the more desirous resolutions for 2012 is for diligence in everything: studies, work, grad apps, DT, and relationships. i also really want to fear my sins and really struggle with them and not simply overlook them. i want to learn how to be patient and loving and genuinely kind. i want to keep my vow and run away from douches. i want to be more confident and unwavering in my identity. 2012 will be a busy year and i hope i'll remain focused.