"i'd just live"

a friend recommended me this movie. he said he really liked it and that i should watch it, too. i didn't know what it was about; never even heard of it. but the friend insisted that i transfer the movie from his laptop to mine. so i did. unaware that i would actually be encouraged by it.

"It's Kind of a Funny Story" is about a depressed and suicidal 16-year-old named craig who gets a new start after checking himself into an adult psychiatric ward. the movie sounds a bit dramatic, but it's also comedic in a way; hence, the title of the movie. the underlying message is this: while you're alive, live. and make the most of it.

two of my favorite quotes from the movie:

(during craig's session with his psychiatrist, she shares with him a quote she once heard)

psychiatrist: "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."

(craig befriends an older patient named bobby who tried to kill himself 6 times)

bobby: "See, that's the part I don't get, Craig. I mean, you're cool, you're smart, you're talented. You have a family that loves you. You know, what I would do just to be you, for just a day? I would... I would do so much. I would... I don't know. I would just... I'd just live. Like it meant something."

life in Him

...thanks for the reminder, God. i needed it. happy resurrection day.

Because He lives

God sent His Son, they called Him, Jesus;

He came to love, heal and forgive;

He lived and died to buy my pardon,

An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,

Because He lives, all fear is gone;

Because I know He holds the future,

And life is worth the living,

Just because He lives.

How sweet to hold a newborn baby,

And feel the pride and joy He gives;

But greater still the calm assurance:

This child can face uncertain days because He lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,

Because He lives, all fear is gone;

Because I know He holds the future,

And life is worth the living,

Just because He lives.

And then one day, I'll cross the river,

I'll fight life's final war with pain;

And then, as death gives way to vict'ry.

I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives.

a cry for help

you know...

i really thought i could do this.

but now i'm not so sure.
every other day, sometimes everyday, there seems to be "something in my eye."

and i thought it would get better,

i thought i'd be okay by now.

but it's only getting worse.

i really don't know what to do.

and so i think of

sleeping forever

and wonder what it would be like

if i could just end it all.

and i know that's foolish and selfish of me

but i've reached the point where

i'm questioning

if anything matters at all.

i think this is what you call

the lowest of the lows.

i need to get out

before i really do

something stupid.