sigh. how can a person whom you've had many great chats with and fun hangouts with just.. throw it all away? how can that person just.. no longer want to be a friend? no longer want to care for you as a person? no longer be comfortable to talk to you? it's so hard for me at times because that person and i have mutual friends. when these mutual friends talk about this person, i always have to put on a fake smile and pretend that we have a good relationship. and i always have to think of something nice to say about that person, when in reality, i'm hurting inside.
sigh. i'm selfish. i'm used to getting things my own way, in terms of friendships. if i want to be friends with someone, we usually become friends. but with this person, it's not possible. i'm trying to learn how to accept it but it's soo frustrating. maybe if we didn't have any mutual friends then it'd be easier for me to not care about this person. and honestly, we don't even need to be good friends. just, someone who will be comfortable around me rather than dump me as if i hadn't existed to begin with. dangit. if i had done something to harm this person, then i can accept this person throwing me away. but that's not even the case! nothing bad happened at all! :(
sigh. this person did no wrong at all. everyone's views on friendship is different and i know that i should respect that person's beliefs. i need to move on and perhaps try my best to erase the memory of this so-called friendship. i know that with time i won't be hurting anymore. but gosh. i hate knowing that someone out there is uncomfortable with me. well, i guess it's better being uncomfortable rather than being hated on.
... i care too much. i care too much about people and the little things like memories. that's really bad. if you care too much, you can get hurt easily. damnit. i should learn from the korean girl group, 2ne1, and sing their song, "i don't care." haha just kidding. sort of.
care too much and hurt yourself, or care too little and hurt others.
ReplyDeletei'd rather care too much. but then, this becomes a circular set of statements because the reason why i'd rather hurt myself, is because i think of others before myself. which causes me to care too much. which causes me to hurt myself but not hurt others.
the flipside being a more self-centered mindset which results in not caring enough about others. which results in hurting them. which doesn't matter in the first place because of the self-centered mindset, and thus a lack of any motivation to correct the behavior and care more.
pick your poison.
i feel you.
ReplyDelete