every time i come home for break, i get a bit nervous because i know my mom will ask about boys and dating. some of the things she says are pretty funny and ridiculous. but now, she's taken it to another level...
last night, i came home for thanksgiving break. when i came inside the house, my mom looked me up and down, and examined my face.
"what is up with your hair? and why don't you wear makeup? you're not a child anymore.. can you please, like, dress up? you can't attract guys like this..."
i was wearing a black jacket with blue jeans. and my hair was down but a bit messy because i had just gotten off the plane. why in the world would i want to dress up for an airplane ride??
after she criticized the way i looked and after adding more harsh comments, she asked, "you like girls, huh? are you a lesbian?"
ok. now i'm going to vent. WHAT THE HECK. is my goal in this world to get a guy?! am i suppose to be a girl who centers her life around boys?! and dating?! my mom is sooo....UGHHHH...... i'm sorry that i ain't boy-crazy, nor am i a super girly girl who cares for only makeup and fashion and all that superficial things (it also helps that i don't have money).
sigh... i do care about the way i look (who doesn't?) and yea, there are many things i'd like to shop for...but, really? is it really necessary to dress up in order to attract guys? is that my purpose in life? really?? that's sooo stupid! why do i need to revolve myself around boys, especially when they're mostly jerks? (i'm going through a i-hate-boys phase right now so forgive me if i offend anyone)
my goal in life is to live for God. my life is centered around Him and Him alone. not boys, not dating, not makeup and all the other worldly things. my main focus is God and what i can accomplish in this world before i die. i want to make the world a better place. i don't know how i'll do that through accounting but, i really hope that i can leave an impact on someone or something before i depart from this earth. THAT'S my goal. my passion. my purpose.
i wish i can make my mom understand that i really, strongly don't care about boys, and that i'm content with who i am. sigh. if only she and my dad could live their lives for God. then maybe she could grasp a little of how i feel and where i'm coming from.
=(. im sorry that you're frustrated. but im not gonna lie, when i read the part about her asking you if you were a lesbian i LOLed. haha. i hope you are doing well selena! stay strrrong=).
ReplyDeletehaha! i was falling asleep trying to study but this woke me up! thanks! haha
ReplyDeletetypical.
ReplyDeletethough the exact exchange of words and turn of events might not be an everyday thing for most people... what's typical is a mother's passion for their child and wanting what is best for them. at this stage in your life, it's rather typical for a mother to focus on the future, and look forward to a future son-in-law. it's not that you have to have someone in mind right now; nor does it mean that she is trying to control your life. but a mother can't help but wish for the best (in her opinion) by hoping you had a significant other, which in turn puts her at ease knowing that one of her worst fears (not being able to find someone), no matter how small or unlikely it may be, is safely at bay.
there is love hidden behind all of your mother's words. it may not be expressed in the most eloquent of ways, but love is the motivation.
have a wonderful time at home with your family and friends, ms. han.
thank you, person anonymous, for helping me see my mom's love :)
ReplyDeletebut i must admit.. i wish she could express it in a different way. like, giving me money. or something. hahaha i'm just kiddinggg.... :P