thanks :)

by far, 2010 has been one of the most challenging years of my life. yet, i still have so much to be thankful for :)

this year in particular, i'm really thankful for my new relationships that i have made with people whom i never thought i'd be friends with. through these individuals, i've learned so much about myself; i've even learned how to be carefree and confident. i've always been this girl who stuck by the rules, who didn't know how to have fun, who was fearful of so many things... but this year, i've learned not to be afraid, to try new things, and to enjoy life.

this year has also been probably the most encouraging year, too, and it's a BIG thanks to those who have supported me, prayed for me, and consistently asked me how i was doing. i've never been so cared for so visibly... it makes me feel very bashful because i'm not used to that type of attention. it actually makes me feel uncomfortable for some reason. but it also feels very nice :)

a very special shoutout to those who really touched my heart this year:

the bff. the young, wise girl. role model cpa. filipino sister. the other pea in the pod. surfer dude. superman. hermit. john mayer wannabe. tweedle dum. e-chan. jokester. the emt.

thank You, Lord, for my awesome brothers and sisters :)

happy thanksgiving!!

dreams

dreams are so fascinating, don't you think? even though we're sleeping and unaware of what's going on around us, our minds are still actively working and producing images and emotions inside us. that's so cool.

i've been having a lot of dreams these days. actually, i think i dream everyday but the past few dreams have been very vivid. i dreamt that i had a baby girl who weighed 25 pounds. i wonder if it's possible to conceive such a heavy baby. dang, that's called c-section right there. the next night, my dream was about a very little girl who was about 2-3 years old. she was so tiny... i wonder if this child and the heavy baby are the same person. hmm.

if i remember something significant from a dream, i like to look it up on dream dictionary. most of the time, the analysis given seems very plausible and true, and it makes a lot of sense. in this case, seeing children suggests that i'm retreating back to my childlike state and escaping my daily responsibilities. quite true. hmm.

anyways. i like most of my dreams. they're like mini-adventures or mysteries or "predictions." haha, jk about the predictions... only God knows our future :)

touched

some of my friends and i went to the beach last night. we played in the water and got our feet really dirty with sand. we came home and i looked at my feet. it was so filthy with sand stuck between my toes. with my head down, i said, "i wanna wash my feet..." one of my friends heard me and said, "come outside. we'll wash our feet." jokingly, i asked, "wanna wash my feet? you know, like, how Jesus washed his disciples' feet?" my friend didn't reply but instead, he went into his room and brought out a white bottle of something. i didn't know what the bottle was for but i just followed him outside to the backyard. he told me to sit on the wooden chair and insisted that i sit on it. ignoring my protests and whining (i really, really was just joking!), he made me sit down. so, i sat down and watched him wash my feet with the hose. the white bottle was soap! he washed my feet not just with water but with soap, too. he also dried my feet with his one towel he had left. the rest of his towels were in the laundry. i was so very touched... after he was done, i told him i'd wash his feet, too, but he wouldn't let me and told me to go back inside the house. haha, dang, i felt like a kid.

this same brother teases me A LOT. he shoots me with a bb gun (i have so many bruises), scares me every chance he gets (my b.p is so high now), and makes me smell his stinky feet and armpits and burps (gross!!!!). but beyond all his pranks and jokes, he can be, dare i say, fairly sweet :) what he did last night... i will never forget it.

When He had finished washing their feet, He put on His clothes and returned to His place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" He asked them. "You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them. -- John 13:12-17

so here's an update

i don't really have much to write about. my previous posts have been dry and somber. but i really do miss writing in here, and though i have nothing out-of-the-ordinary/funny/inspiring to say... i'm just going to give an update. this is kind of my way of replying to emails that i have yet to respond to (sorry for the late replies! i WILL write back, i promise).

-- it's hard to see people come and go. within the past 2 weeks, 2 of my favorite brothers from church have left to go to their respective places. before these guys came along, i had no genuine friendship with a church brother. but after becoming good friends with them, i was able to experience and learn so much from them. it makes me sad that they've left san diego, but i'm also excited to see what God has in store for them. i hope that this phrase, "out of sight, out of mind" will not come true; rather, i hope we'll still keep in touch.

-- p90x is going pretty well. this is my 6th week. my arms and legs are becoming tighter but i really wish i could see a change in my stomach :( where are you, abs?! haha, anyways. dude, working out is awesome. not only does it feel good, but it also helps me mentally. my fear of doing anything athletic has lessened, too! i can now ride a skateboard and not be afraid to fall!! anddd i'm starting to like playing sports. haha dangg.. the only thing i still don't like is running. bleh.

-- i set a punishment for myself. if i'm unable to achieve this one particular goal by next june, then as a punishment, i'm going to move back home. i really don't want to live with my parents in a place where i have no accountability, no church... the old selena might resurface again and that will definitely not be a pretty sight. so, i'm really worried. but i guess this is why it's a punishment.

-- my spiritual walk needs a lot of work. i think i've just been kind of stuck at this one point. i know i'm not falling away, but i'm also not growing. i've been lazy and perhaps this is why everything else in my life has been kind of whatevers. no passion. no drive. no zeal.

-- too many girls around me want to get married right now. dang. just thinking about marriage terrifies me a lot, a lot. even just listening to these girls talk about it scares me. *shudder* i still feel like i'm too young... but my biological clock says otherwise.

that's it for my update. i can't believe it's already november...~