profound

"for nonbelievers, earth is the closest thing to tasting heaven. for believers, earth is the closest thing to tasting hell." -- p.joe

i want to keep my 2011 promise with You.

a pretty painting

after going to the san diego museum of art at balboa park with two lovable friends, i find myself looking at paintings during work. oops. hehe. here's a monet painting i really like. i have a new appreciation for art :)

peace&quiet

it's 9pm right now and i came to the office to have some peace and quiet. i'm so exhausted after a long day at an internship in irvine but i don't want to go home just yet. i haven't had time to myself for awhile. i've been so busy with work, tutoring, and now a new internship. my best friend is in town and my other friend made a visit to sd for 3 days this week. tonight, my best friend is sleeping over at one of her other friend's place so for the first time, in a long time, i'm able to have some quiet time to myself.

so much has happened for a month and a half now. it's all been a blur but one thing i know for sure is that i've been so amazingly blessed. i can't thank God enough for being so kind to me, for loving me, for remaining faithful to me. for the past year and a half, i was in a funk. i was depressed, anti-social, and crying myself to sleep at times. it was unbearable.

but in just a few weeks, my life has been completely turned inside out. after a year and a half of crying out to God in utter confusion and frustration, things are looking a lot better. and the best of part of it is that i am doing a lot better -- mentally, physically, emotionally.

but i'm still human. i'm still fighting my inner demons. and there are things i'm still unhappy with. but what i've been learning after graduating college is that i can't give up. i need to keep fighting. and i need to remain strong. it's seriously by God's providence that i'm still alive and that i'm still fighting. without Him, i don't know what i would live for and why i would live.

dear God,
thank You for remaining faithful to me. there were so many instances when i was so angry at You and i was trying to understand what Your purpose was for me. but now i see that you were building me up during the past year and a half. i see it now, God. and i thank You so much.

30

where do you see yourself when you're 30yrs old?

this question has been asked countless times but tonight, it really stumped me. i'm 6 years away from turning 30 and that really frightens me. the big 3-0. seriously, i wonder where i will be when i'm 30.

to my future 30yr old self: hi! welcome to your thirties. if you're in the bay, then i'm assuming you're living with your parents. if you're in sd, then i'm assuming you never left sd (why did you never leave sd?) if you have no job, then GET UP and find a job! you're freakin' 30. andd... if you're single, then i hope you're happy being single. don't be sad that you're single if the rest of your friends are engaged/married. andd... if you're engaged/married, then i hope you're with someone who was God-given to you. because then you'll know that he's the one for you. andd... if you're dying, then i hope you won't be sad that you're dying but rather i hope you'll be grateful for the life that you lived.

random

just a list of randoms because i'm too tired to even try to write in coherent paragraphs. what i just wrote was not even a complete sentence. nor is this one.

-- summer has finally arrived. i may feel pretty disgusted in my sweat during the day, but i am deelightfully loving the cool, summer nights.

-- i just got off the phone with a friend who i hadn't spoke with for almost 7 months. i forgot how much i like talking on the phone, especially at night simply because i feel unlimited to talk at night.

-- i'm having a lot of fun teaching SAT to one of my tutor kids. i get really excited to tackle a math problem with her, and i feel accomplished when she understands what i'm trying to explain to her, despite my lack of teaching skills.

-- i can't wait to get my gmat study books in the mail. i am really, really going to study a lot for it.

-- my really good friends left sd this past week. i miss them terribly... it's not always easy to find people who you can truly be comfortable with and who you can be yourself around. i've lived in sd for 6yrs+ but now that my friends are gone, i feel like a stranger...

-- my best friend is visiting sd in one week!!! i am so, so excited to play with her!! i've been counting down the days since she told me and she told me 5 months ago, haha!

-- the final harry potter movie is coming out next week! yay for next week! best friend + harry potter!! ohhmyygoshhh, i am super, super excited.

-- i'm not ready to go back on fb. it's been 3 months since i last had it and frankly, i don't want it. there's some people who i'd really like to defriend... but whether or not i defriend them from fb will not change the affect that they still have on me. ugh.

-- why date someone if you know you'll never love him/her and you know you'll never want to marry him/her? wouldn't you want to be with someone whom you really love? is having fun so much better than true love?

-- i decorated my new apt with freshly cut flowers. right now, there are bright, yellow mini-carnations in the living room. i can't stop looking at them. i really love flowers. more so than candy.