yes? no?

me: "what is your new year's resolution?"

friend: "to be honest with myself"

i really like this. ever since the day i heard my friend's reply, i've been thinking on it a lot. how often are you honest with yourself.. how often are you true to yourself..

"... i don't think you know what you want... a lot of us don't know what we want.."

i've been hearing this a lot, too. and i think there's a lot of truth to it. more and more i'm beginning to see that i really DON'T know what i want. my imperceptible goals seem to be beyond reach and blurry. who i am but who i want to be are in paradox, leading to denial and occasional identity crises. who i acquaint myself with but the person(s) i want to be involved with are often contradictory. i am just a walking oxymoron.