yummy food & wise words

i spent almost 5 hours with my pastor's wife aka samoneem aka mama bear today. five hours! o.O she taught me how to make california rolls (it looked something like the picture below).

yumm! i can't wait to try making them again by myself. and i doubly can't wait to make them for my parents! :D i already know what my momma is going to say: "you're ready to get married!" haha, she is always so predictable.

aside from gushing about our infatuation for food, samoneem had quite a lot to say about family. our conversation brought us both to tears. it was quite a sentimental moment we shared and by the time we finished, it was already evening.

one thing that struck me the most from today's conversation is how there are many strong, faithful, and godly servants who have come from broken families. it's really amazing how God has used these certain individuals to not follow the ways of their abusive, adulterous, alcoholic, or non-existent parents but rather, He has used them to be the complete opposite. it's quite true that parents play a key role in a child's life, but their significance is actually quite small compared to God's role in one's life. He conquers all.

"really, your situation is not as bad as compared to others'. there are people who have been or are in worse conditions. and yet, look how they've turned out! it's truly by God's work and His grace that have helped them turn out the way they did."

His love

How Deep the Father's Love For Us

How deep the Father's love for us

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss

The Father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the Chosen One

Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon a cross

My sin upon His shoulders

Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice

Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom

...

what i would give to have a sister..

feel so alone in this world.
wish i could just...

a prayer for healing

"Like Eve after she tasted the forbidden fruit, we women hide. We hide behind our makeup. We hide behind our humor. We hide with angry silences and punishing withdrawals. We hide our truest selves and offer only what we believe is wanted, what is safe. We act in self-protective ways and refuse to offer what we truly see, believe, and know. We will not risk rejection or looking like a fool. We have spoken in the past and met with blank stares and mocking guffaws. We will not do it again. We hide because we are afraid. We have been wounded and wounded deeply. People have sinned against us and we have sinned as well. To hide means to remain safe, to hurt less. At least that is what we think. And so by hiding, we make matters into our own hands. We don't return to our God with our broken and desperate hearts." -- Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge

for those who have been wounded, broken, desolated...
for those who hide behind masks, pretending to be someone who they're not while trying to please everyone else but themselves...
for those who are suffering mentally, physically, emotionally...
for those who are slipping away from God, farther and farther away from Him because they're in hiding...
for those who can't trust and have put up walls around their heart...
for those who think they're not beautiful enough, smart enough, worthy enough...

... a prayer for healing.

a dry spell

this past week has been the hottest week of the summer, and this summer has been one of the hottest summers ever in history. not only has the heat made me thirsty for ice cold water every minute of the day but it has sapped my will to do anything! all i seem capable of doing is sprawling on the couch, watching one-too-many episodes of HIMYM, and taking looong naps. summer has turned me into a snorlax -.-

but on a more serious note, and i can't blame this on the heat, i've been in a dry funk, living a very dreary and drab life, having no emotions and simply drifting on a lifeless life. days go by and i feel like i'm just.. watching them go by. i feel very empty inside and so, i've been filling this void with HIMYM and longer hours of work! but i've finally took the time to reflect on my current state and to admit to myself that, i haven't been pursuing God. 

in the words of P. Joe, a christian life is meant to be a marathon, and we, as christians, are to be running this race at a steady pace. but in my own personal race, i've completely stopped and i haven't ran in a long time (mental note: start exercising). i guess i've forgotten why i'm in this marathon and i've stopped looking forward to what lies ahead at the finishing line. i've also forgotten that i'm not in this race alone, but that my brothers and sisters are running alongside me, that we're all in this together.

in truth, i have forgotten what it feels like to have accountability -- to have brothers and sisters who would urge and encourage you to continue to press towards that goal.  i'm not blaming anyone, by the way; i'm only blaming myself. by surrounding myself with, well, myself, i've come to realize that i can't do this alone, and this race is not meant to be a one-man race.

i'm unsure when i'll come out of this dry spell, to be honest. but i hope it will be soon. i long for a joyful heart again, but more importantly, i really miss my Father. i miss His Spirit within me, i miss rejoicing in Him, i miss talking to Him, i miss hearing His voice, i miss singing praises to Him, i miss learning from Him.. i miss so many things. a life without Him is really no life at all.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me -- Psalm 51:10

meh

my tutor kid lied to me today. last week, i assigned him several pages of math homework and when i looked over his answers today, i had a feeling that he had copied the answers from the back of the workbook. instead of accusing him of cheating, i asked him how he knew the answers to the problems without doing any of the work, and he replied, "i did them in my head." pfft -.- i chose one of the homework questions and asked him to solve it. he stared at the problem for a good minute and gave an answer. naturally, it was the wrong answer. and yet, on his paper, the right answer was neatly written. and so, i started saying, "hmm.. you know, i feel like you copied the answers from --" he knew he got caught and immediately cut me off in mid-sentence, "you're right. i did. i'm sorry. i'm sorry." and he really meant it.

the feeling of being lied to.. it isn't a good feeling. i didn't really care if he cheated on his homework but i was really disappointed that he was lying to me about it.  it made me sad, and i guess i'm still a little bit sad about it since i'm blogging about it after it had happened like, seven hours ago, haha. it hurts. is that weird? he's not even my own flesh and blood, but it hurts. i guess i got a small glimpse of how moms feel when their child lies to them.

... meh.

how i met your mother

7 seasons have been out, and i'm watching this NOW?!

... well, better late than never, i guess.

this show is so funny! it usually takes a lot for me to give out a loud laugh (i'm more of a silent chuckler) but this show has not failed to amuse me. the ideas, jokes, marshall's songs, and the lines (oh, the lines!) are so cleverly written that i really wish i knew people who shared the same personalities as these five characters (of course, i can't forget the funny six "friends"). how much more entertaining and less boring my life would be if i were to be surrounded by them, haha. 

ted

growing up as an only child, and usually being home alone, my stuffed animals became my friends. whenever i needed comfort, i'd go to my teddy bear for a hug. whenever i was bored and had no one to talk to, i'd talk to my furry friends. whenever i went on a family trip, i'd take one of my stuffed animals and promise the rest of the others that i'd take them on the next family trips because i didn't want them to feel left out. in my mind, i know that they're not real. but in my heart, they're very real to me and they've been my closest and dearest friends since i was a baby.

with that being said, you can imagine how excited i was to see a movie premiere about a teddy bear that comes to life! i absolutely had to watch this movie, and after some form of begging and whining on my part, my friends agreed to watch it with me. secretly, i wished i could watch the movie with my own teddy.. but i guess my teddy will have to wait until the dvd comes out, hehe. anyways, from the beginning of the movie to the end, i was deeply engrossed with the story, and in some parts, i could relate to it. aside from the naughty jokes, i fell in love with ted, and i actually cried towards the end of the movie. and no, it wasn't a single drop of tear, but it was a pool of water, added with sniffles. i had to cover my eyes during the part that made me cry because i couldn't bear to watch it. my heart literally broke for ted while being furious at the character who hurt ted (oh my goodness, i sound like a crazy person). overall, i liked the movie a lot. and when i came home, i gave my bear a big hug :)

i know i'm considered to be "too old" for stuffed animals... and i also know that people think i'm silly for being so emotionally attached to these "things that are lifeless." but to me, it doesn't matter. whether my furry friends are alive or not, i grew up with them and they'll always be my friends forever.