but on a more serious note, and i can't blame this on the heat, i've been in a dry funk, living a very dreary and drab life, having no emotions and simply drifting on a lifeless life. days go by and i feel like i'm just.. watching them go by. i feel very empty inside and so, i've been filling this void with HIMYM and longer hours of work! but i've finally took the time to reflect on my current state and to admit to myself that, i haven't been pursuing God.
in the words of P. Joe, a christian life is meant to be a marathon, and we, as christians, are to be running this race at a steady pace. but in my own personal race, i've completely stopped and i haven't ran in a long time (mental note: start exercising). i guess i've forgotten why i'm in this marathon and i've stopped looking forward to what lies ahead at the finishing line. i've also forgotten that i'm not in this race alone, but that my brothers and sisters are running alongside me, that we're all in this together.
in truth, i have forgotten what it feels like to have accountability -- to have brothers and sisters who would urge and encourage you to continue to press towards that goal. i'm not blaming anyone, by the way; i'm only blaming myself. by surrounding myself with, well, myself, i've come to realize that i can't do this alone, and this race is not meant to be a one-man race.
i'm unsure when i'll come out of this dry spell, to be honest. but i hope it will be soon. i long for a joyful heart again, but more importantly, i really miss my Father. i miss His Spirit within me, i miss rejoicing in Him, i miss talking to Him, i miss hearing His voice, i miss singing praises to Him, i miss learning from Him.. i miss so many things. a life without Him is really no life at all.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me -- Psalm 51:10
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