my life is a mess. it's so unorganized that i don't know how to clean it up or where to even begin. quite frankly, i just don't want to think about it. concerns and worries are scattered in every part of my brain while additional problems continue to arise. sigh.
spending time at home last week with my family and friends was absolutely wonderful. i think it was the best week of my summer thus far. i chilled back and relaxed and got a breath of fresh air. it was a great escape from my chaotic life in sd, but unfortunately, all escapes must come to an end. ever since i grudgingly came back to sd this past monday, i've been pretty lonely and miserable. coming to an empty apartment made me feel even more alone. all i can think about is home and how much i miss it. never have i felt so much sadness being in sd. i love sd, don't get me wrong. but coming back here meant that i had to face reality once again. home was a temporal escape from my dilemmas, responsibilities, memories, and even people. but now that i'm here, it's back to square one -- having so many questions but never knowing the answer; facing challenges but never finding the solution.
a friend recently said that she feels like she's in a dark cave without a flashlight or a map. i can definitely relate. i wish i knew what i was doing, or how to handle these troublesome situations. i hate having everything be so up in the air. life is hard. but i wonder if it's naturally hard or am i just making it hard? hrm...
my life is in jumbles. untidy and unkempt. i wish i can grab a broom and sweep away the mess.
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