the tea is so strong and rich and way too bitter for my taste. i added about 3 tablespoons of honey and it did nothing. i drank 1/4 of my cup and wah-lah! it's past 6am and i have yet to fall asleep. wow, forget the 5-hr energy drink, red bull, and coffee. this tea has lasted me 10 hrs. the funny thing is, i wanted to sleep early tonight and i even climbed into bed a little past midnight. major fail! i've pulled an all-nighter without meaning to. but at least i was able to catch up on emails, see the sunrise, and watch my roommate wake up and get ready for work. and maybe i'll potentially write a blog entry that has some purpose to it, despite what i've written thus far. haha. i'll try.
lately, i've been seeing an ugly side of myself. i really hate to admit this but i have an undesirable need to be accepted by people and i find myself trying to please people. ugh, why? seeing how i'm an only child, i foolishly thought i was so independent and that i was perfectly fine being on my own and doing my own thing. but more and more, God has been showing me that i'm actually very weak and that i care way too much about what others think of me. it got to a certain point where i started thinking that i don't have any friends (how ironic considering that my previous entry was about how i miss people). but earlier tonight (actually, if you want to be more precise, it was last night since it's 6:30am right now), i was reminded that all i need is God and He's the only one i need to please and whom i should want to please. and actually, He's already pleased with me even though i haven't done anything to deserve His acceptance. what have i done, really? nothing!! and yet, He still loves me and still accepts me for who i am. sometimes, i think God is way too nice.
i know i don't get along with everyone. and i know it's impossible to be friends with everyone. but it still drives me crazy when i see my close friends becoming good friends with someone who i know will never want to be my friend. i'm not jealous or angry at these select few, but i do wonder if there's something wrong with me or what i can change about myself to be accepted by them. it's so stupid, really, and i feel like i'm in middle school all over again.
ah. i need to grow up and learn from apostle Paul. he knows what's up:
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings , or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. -- Galatians 1:10
it's 7:03 now and i am still WIDE-awake. but on the bright side, i see that today is going to be a beautiful and sunny day! and also, it's quite nice to see my aptmates this early in the morning :)
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