passion

ever since i signed up with twitter, i've been exposed to different types of people who each have a strong passion or a life-long dream that s/he wants to fulfill. i suddenly found myself following these people, wanting to learn more about their goals and their motivation behind their goals. after looking at a multitude of people's twitters, i took a step back and realized that i don't have a passion for anything.

i've been living life day-to-day, seeing time pass by me, and life just seems so stagnant. i wish i could wake up every morning and cheerfully say that today will be another day to strive for my goal(s). but instead, i wake up and think of the meals i'll be having, or which coffee shop i'll be studying at, or what time the knicks will be playing. (haha)

i feel like the tin-man from the wizard of oz who has no heart -- who feels nothing, really. but don't get me wrong; i love my family and friends, i love my life in san diego, and i even strangely appreciate studying for the gmats. or maybe i appreciate it because it gives me an excuse to enjoy some peace and quiet at a cafe almost every day. hmm. haha, anyways.

the point is... i want a dream. a goal. a passion. i don't want to live another day where i'm just living life because it's the only choice i have. i want to live life for a reason, a purpose, a calling. what does God want me to do or who does He want me to become? i wish i knew the answer. you would think after almost a quarter of a century, i would finally know my heart's desires. but to be honest... i don't.

but i hope that one day, something will spark my interest and will make me feel like i've been born for "this," whatever "this" may be.