best friend

...i really hope and wish for you to get to a place where you are happy and comfortable with who you are. but until you get there, know that i believe in you. i know that you are a good friend, good daughter, and a good person. i know that you try really hard to be a good christian and the fact that you try so hard is a testament to who you are. i know you will someday see what i see in you and i can't wait for that moment :)  -- my best friend

:') speechless.
thankyou, best friend.
your friendship and your words mean so much.
<3

incredibly blessed

for all that has happened so far this month..
for the wonderful conversations..
for the delicious food..
for the accountability..
for the new and old friends..
for Your protection..
for all that i have been spoiled with..
all of it is from You, God.
each and everyday of this month,
i have only You to thank for it.

this month has been a whirlwind of fun-filled dates and amazingly delicious food. tomorrow, i get to go home to more fun and more food.. to my mom and dad.. and to my best friend..

i..am..so.. happy :')

moving on

thankYou for being ever so faithful and good..
You answered my prayer..
and although it hurts right now, i know it's the right thing..
moving forward, walking towards You.

a fresh start

i went to 2 church services today -- one in english and the other in korean. from 9am to 4pm. ohmygoshh, i was pretty church-ed out by late afternoon but i enjoyed it :) i couldn't fully understand the korean sermon but the bits and pieces of it were a lot more convicting than the english sermon mainly because i really needed to hear these words. perfect timing, God.


믿음으로 내가 결심한 것들을 하나씩 다시 시작하자.

a special 25th :)

i dreaded turning 25 for a loong time now. even on the day before i turned a quarter of a century, my stomach felt queasy and unnerving. i'm not sure why i fear the number 25 so much. maybe because if i round it, the number is 30? or maybe because i can no longer say that i'm in my young 20s? whatever the reason is, i am what i am. and i am 25 years old. ohh.myy.

but what a good first day of turning 25! :) today was a reaallyy good, sunny day. even though i deactivated fb, friends still remembered my birthday. to be honest, some of the text messages i received were a great surprise. how did they know?? hmm.. shrug. i did absolutely nothing today -- just lay in bed, caught up with my tv shows, and talked on the phone. for dinner, i celebrated with wonderful sisters from church. it was the perfect dinner that i was hoping for -- one that was just really chill, casual, and fun! i absolutely loved it :)

not very many people will see this.. but i still wanted to say thankyou to those who called, sent texts/emails/cards, and celebrated my birthday (not just today but on other days as well). i realized that there was nothing to fear about this day. in fact, this was one of the most memorable and special birthdays ever :)

thankyou, Father, for all these beautiful people in my life~

i'm only human

one of my worst fears came true.
i got called a hypocrite.
behind my back.
i wish she would realize that i'm not perfect.
she said i'm not a "good christian" because what i do contradicts what a "good christian" is suppose to do.
what does she know what a "good christian" looks like?
i never claimed i was "good."
but beside that, i hate the label "good." what makes any of us good?
i try to be faithful to Him and loyal to Him.
but i may fall here and there;
i may slip and regress back to my former ways;
i may waver in my decisions.
but this shouldn't make me less of a christian.
no.
i'm human.
i'll make mistakes.
i'll constantly and always sin.
it's not that i want to. sometimes, it's just so damn hard to fight.
it's because i'm human;
i'm not perfect.
she doesn't even know anything about christianity.
all she has are these misconceptions of christians.
i wish i can explain to her;
i wish i can explain to everyone like her.
but she won't understand. she can't understand.

but maybe hearing this has some good points, too.
it means i have to try THAT much harder to live out the life that God wants me to.
i need to set an example of how a true christian should live her life.
oh, the pressure.
trying to balance two distinct worlds as one -- the nonbelievers and the believers.
bring me back to the cross, Lord.
help me to do better.
give me wisdom and strength.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.  For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. -- Hebrews 12:1-3

하나님..!!

hear my cry, O Lord..

why do You put me in these same yearly situations but the only difference is that the situations are becoming more challenging to overcome..
i've failed each and every time already, so why give me a more difficult trial when You know i'm going to fail..

these trials are suppose to make us stronger.. yet, why do i feel weaker each time?

please help me to fight against the world. please help me to win the war.

fight the good fight, selena. fight it.

last resort

"by the time you're 30 and you're still single, you're going to marry _____. this is a marriage contract." -- a stupid idea created by a silly bro against my own will.
unfortunately, the person whose name is in the blank has without hesitation strongly agreed to the contract. probably because he is now secure that he will never end up alone. well, too bad, buddy. it ain't gonna happen. h-e-double-hockey-sticks effin' no.

"if we're still single by our late-30's, you wanna just get married to me?" -- asked by my bro with a serious face.
oh my gosh. i find this so hilarious, hahahaha. i didn't know that boys, too, are scared of being alone and not ever getting married. ohhh, you silly, silly boys. smh (<-- this is my first time using this word!)

i also find this highly amusing because it makes me wonder... to these boys, do i look like i'll never end up getting married? i'm okay with the fact that i won't ever get married but i don't want people to see me as a non-marriageable person. there's a huge difference between the two. and also, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! i'd rather be alone than get married to someone whom i don't l-o-v-e (i still can't type this word out. i'm working on it). i also don't want to be anyone's last resort. pfft!

oh, happy may!

i remember writing quite a few depressing entries back in may of last year. but here i am, a year later, so very thankful for life :) and growing steadily in my walk with God :) this month is going to be soo good! it has already been a wonderful beginning with the happy visits from good bros aka "the-jerks-who-pick-on-me-nonstop" (hehe). and during the next 31 days, i will continue to be engaged with familiar faces. my 3 norcal gfs will be visiting me in a few days to celebrate an early 25th with me; i'm so spoiled by them, haha. i've also scheduled many catch-up dates with friends and i can't wait to hear their updates and spend time with them. i'll also be done with my thursday night class in 3 weeks and will be able to finally attend yag's bible study. and finally, my best friend (currently living in the east) will be visiting home during the time that i will be home for my dad's birthday. God's timing can't get any more perfect than this :)

oh, may... i'm going to like you a lot this year! but if you'd like to be my favorite 2012 month, then could you lighten up a bit and start showing some more shine instead of these gloomy drizzles? thanks :)