some have already begun.
i turned a year older. in hindsight, 24 is not a big number. but to me, i feel really, really old. i don't like it at all. i think it's because i'm still in the same situation as i was when i was 22. geez, seriously, where am i going with my life?
i'm going to be moving into a new apartment (tbd) with new girls (minus my current roommate) at the end of june. i'm not looking forward to the arduous labor of moving out but perhaps a change of scenery will be good for me. i will surely miss my crossroads apartment :(
i've officially started meeting up with my pastor's wife ('samoneem' in korean. 'smn' for short). i was hesitant to be her 'cubbie' only because i was afraid that she'd expect me to be more involved at church. i definitely had a reason to be afraid because on the first day of our meet up, the first thing she said to me was, "selena, you need to serve. i want you to serve." oh, dear me, as if i didn't have enough on my plate already. it's strange how her solution of helping me during my "crisis" is to commit to a ministry and to serve. my solutions were to either find a job, or continue studying, or go to grad school, etc. but here she was, advising me to serve the church. oh, dang it. how this will help me find my calling in life, i have noo idea. but... i know that this will only do good for me. it's just that... i... am being stubborn and i really don't want to be involved. because. i become really uncomfortable in group settings. oh, gosh, darn it -.-
my close peers will be leaving sd this summer. as much as i'm happy for them and excited to see them start a new chapter in their life, i selfishly want to plead with them to stay :'( how is it possible that all of my close friends will be leaving around the same time?! oh, goodness gracious...
our young adult group will have its own changes, too. some people (the ones i'm most closest with) are leaving, recent college grads will be joining, and the head/leader of the young adult group will most likely be leaving us, too. for the first time, i became comfortable with a 'pastor' (technically, he's not a pastor. but i don't know what else to call him) to the point where i shared so much with him. and now he's going to leave, after being with us for a year and a half. goshh, i don't want to see him go...!! >.<
the one change i'm looking forward to, though, is for God to change my heart. my depressed little heart that was soo consumed with the future. i have been so blinded by my doubts and insecurities about my future that i slipped away from God so much. future, future, future! that was ALL i could think about for the past several months. eventually, the future didn't matter anymore and i no longer lived in the present. life itself didn't matter at all and i still question the importance of life. big sigh.
what a crazy first half (almost) of 2011. ridiculous, really. but you know what? all of these changes, all of these trials, they're freakin' GOOD. why? because God is GOOD. He knows what He's doing and He's planned for all of this to happen in His GOOD timing. i may not comprehend any of it for i am a simpleton, but i do know that God is GOOD. and whatever He does will always be GOOD.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. -- Romans 8:28
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