i'm one of them

i've been wanting them to change for some time now.

i find something wrong with them and i blame them for being who they are.

and then i wonder why i've met them, these people who are no bueno for me.

but now i see that i am no better than them.

the things that they struggle with... are the things that i struggle with.

they've come into my life not for me to change them,

but to see who i am through them;

to change myself.

am i really any better than them?

i thought i was,

but i learned that i'm not.

i struggle, too.

i struggle with my identity.

i'm constantly battling my inner demons.

but like them, i want to ignore everything and "have fun."

these people whom i've met...

i will no longer blame. i will no longer label as "bad."

because these people whom i've met...

i'm just like them.

it took me quite some time to learn this lesson,

how sinful, how wretched, how ungodly i've been.

so what to do now?

continue playing or continue praying?

it's up to me.