what a year

today is the last day of 2010. omigoodness, this year was so crazy. i knew that this year would be hard and painful, but never did i think how hard and how painful it would be. man, God broke me into pieces like how someone would break mr. potato head, limb by limb.

i did this last year so i'm going to do the same this year. a reflection of 2010:

-- first sunrise

-- 2nd car accident

-- exams. and learning that the exams are changing in jan 2011. i remember being SO upset, haha. life is funny.

-- found a group of people who i'm so comfortable with.

-- 2 major breakdowns. tons of crying. lots of doubts.

-- dtr. rebound. but praise God, all ended well.

-- gained a lot of good brothers

-- family troubles once again. brings me back to horrible childhood memories.

-- first year being consistent with devotions! :)

-- p90x

-- met my first celebrity, bruno mars!

-- attended my first wedding of a dear sister. hi, mrs. angela hong!

-- learned that i really like yogurt soju, haha

-- being more open-minded/active to new things

-- seeing/hearing the bond among my cousins grow. oh, how i wish i could've partook in the extended family christmas celebration...

-- showed more of my playful side

-- grew to be more confident. more positive.

-- friend washed my feet

-- learned that i have abnormal hands and feet

2011 is the year of the rabbit. and i'm a rabbit. so hopefully, next year will be a better year. or maybe, it will be the year that i am able to handle situations better since the worries i had this year will be continuing onto next year... i hope that in 2011, i'll learn how to fully give God the control. leave everything to Him. trust and have the utmost faith in Him. i also hope that in 2011, i will have a better idea of what i would like to do in terms of a career.

His Son

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests." -- Luke 2:8-14

Dear God,

Thank you for the birth of Your son, Jesus.

Thank You for giving me life, joy, peace, and hope through Him.

In this time of darkness, I know that there is a light that will shrine through it.

All because of Your son.

Thank you :)

Amen.

deeply in love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOV1QUR0J9s

Hillsong -- Deeply in Love

In my life You've heard me say

I love you

How do I show You it's true

Hear my heart, it longs for more of You..

I've fallen deeply in love with You..

You have stolen my heart

I'm captivated by You

Never will You and I part

I've fallen deeply in love with You

You and I, together forever

Nothing can stand in the way

My love for You grows stronger

each new day.

I've fallen deeply in love with You

You have stolen my heart

I'm captivated by You

Never will You and I part

I've fallen deeply in love with You

hope

So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. -- Luke 11:9-10

If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. -- Matthew 21:22

she should've listened

before he passed away, he told her daughter to never get married. out of all the sons and daughters he had, he only warned this particular child. maybe he knew something that she didn't know. maybe he knew that she'd suffer for the rest of her life if she got married. whatever he knew, he was right.

if only she had listened to her father. life would've been so much better for her and her own daughter. if only she had listened to her daughter who, at the age of 8, pleaded with her mom to get a divorce. but she didn't listen. and now she's stuck in this miserable life of hers... with a child who has yet to grasp what it means to have an honorable, loving, respectable father.

this same mom told her daughter to never get married and to live freely and peacefully... unlike her mom, this child will listen.

my christmas wish

i was looking forward to coming home for the holidays, especially because i really enjoyed the last time being home which was during thanksgiving break. but as soon as i got into the car, after my dad picked me up from the airport, i was in tears and really wished that i was back in san diego.

God has been striking me down non stop this year in every aspect of my life. but when it comes to family troubles, that's the one that pains me the most and leaves me feeling absolutely hopeless. dang, 2010, you will definitely not be missed.

so this is my christmas wish... i wish that in the future, if i ever do have a family of my own, i hope that it will be a happy family that truly loves, supports, and cares for each another.

i'm not a mom

"excuse me, miss, but is that your daughter over there?"

...... o.O!! what?!

perhaps it was because i was the only asian girl in the store.. but even if i were the only asian girl around, did i look like a mom?! oh my goodness.

family and friends have been nagging me that i should be married already or at least start dating... and lately, i've been having dreams of having a daughter out of wedlock... what is going on?! -.- i still feel really young but maybe i'm not so young at all... =/

do YOU know?

i really love christmas songs. so it stung me a little when someone outrightly said that s/he hated them. HATE. what a strong word... but the person's reasons for hating these songs are pretty legit. but that's what makes me sad... this friend said that christmas songs take away from the true meaning of the holiday -- the birth of Christ. our society has twisted and hallmark-ed this celebration into one that is all about presents, santa, romance, lights, trees, etc. even i had to remind myself what december 25 really stood for. each year, more and more people are forgetting the "christ" in christmas. just recently, some people were protesting the name of this holiday. they wanted to take the "christ" out of the word... basically, "Merry Mas!" would be the new cheer. how utterly dumb.

i hope you, my fellow reader, will not forget the true meaning of christmas.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZE_a2K2eoQ

Boyz II Men - Do They Know

Do they know

That Jesus was born on this day to save our lives

Do they know

That He carried the signs of the world upon His heart

So that you and I could live

And we'd have an alternative in this life

Do they know

What this day means

Do they know

Where we've been and how it should be

Tell me do they know

Do they know we should love one another

Do they know

The world will be alright only if they know

Do they know

That sharing love to each other is how we all should live

Do they know

That the reason for giving is more than what you give

And to you and your's this day

On a very special holiday

Give your love

And Lord, if they know

Keep them in Your care

Keep them inside Your heart

And help them spread the Word

thanks :)

by far, 2010 has been one of the most challenging years of my life. yet, i still have so much to be thankful for :)

this year in particular, i'm really thankful for my new relationships that i have made with people whom i never thought i'd be friends with. through these individuals, i've learned so much about myself; i've even learned how to be carefree and confident. i've always been this girl who stuck by the rules, who didn't know how to have fun, who was fearful of so many things... but this year, i've learned not to be afraid, to try new things, and to enjoy life.

this year has also been probably the most encouraging year, too, and it's a BIG thanks to those who have supported me, prayed for me, and consistently asked me how i was doing. i've never been so cared for so visibly... it makes me feel very bashful because i'm not used to that type of attention. it actually makes me feel uncomfortable for some reason. but it also feels very nice :)

a very special shoutout to those who really touched my heart this year:

the bff. the young, wise girl. role model cpa. filipino sister. the other pea in the pod. surfer dude. superman. hermit. john mayer wannabe. tweedle dum. e-chan. jokester. the emt.

thank You, Lord, for my awesome brothers and sisters :)

happy thanksgiving!!

dreams

dreams are so fascinating, don't you think? even though we're sleeping and unaware of what's going on around us, our minds are still actively working and producing images and emotions inside us. that's so cool.

i've been having a lot of dreams these days. actually, i think i dream everyday but the past few dreams have been very vivid. i dreamt that i had a baby girl who weighed 25 pounds. i wonder if it's possible to conceive such a heavy baby. dang, that's called c-section right there. the next night, my dream was about a very little girl who was about 2-3 years old. she was so tiny... i wonder if this child and the heavy baby are the same person. hmm.

if i remember something significant from a dream, i like to look it up on dream dictionary. most of the time, the analysis given seems very plausible and true, and it makes a lot of sense. in this case, seeing children suggests that i'm retreating back to my childlike state and escaping my daily responsibilities. quite true. hmm.

anyways. i like most of my dreams. they're like mini-adventures or mysteries or "predictions." haha, jk about the predictions... only God knows our future :)

touched

some of my friends and i went to the beach last night. we played in the water and got our feet really dirty with sand. we came home and i looked at my feet. it was so filthy with sand stuck between my toes. with my head down, i said, "i wanna wash my feet..." one of my friends heard me and said, "come outside. we'll wash our feet." jokingly, i asked, "wanna wash my feet? you know, like, how Jesus washed his disciples' feet?" my friend didn't reply but instead, he went into his room and brought out a white bottle of something. i didn't know what the bottle was for but i just followed him outside to the backyard. he told me to sit on the wooden chair and insisted that i sit on it. ignoring my protests and whining (i really, really was just joking!), he made me sit down. so, i sat down and watched him wash my feet with the hose. the white bottle was soap! he washed my feet not just with water but with soap, too. he also dried my feet with his one towel he had left. the rest of his towels were in the laundry. i was so very touched... after he was done, i told him i'd wash his feet, too, but he wouldn't let me and told me to go back inside the house. haha, dang, i felt like a kid.

this same brother teases me A LOT. he shoots me with a bb gun (i have so many bruises), scares me every chance he gets (my b.p is so high now), and makes me smell his stinky feet and armpits and burps (gross!!!!). but beyond all his pranks and jokes, he can be, dare i say, fairly sweet :) what he did last night... i will never forget it.

When He had finished washing their feet, He put on His clothes and returned to His place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" He asked them. "You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them. -- John 13:12-17

so here's an update

i don't really have much to write about. my previous posts have been dry and somber. but i really do miss writing in here, and though i have nothing out-of-the-ordinary/funny/inspiring to say... i'm just going to give an update. this is kind of my way of replying to emails that i have yet to respond to (sorry for the late replies! i WILL write back, i promise).

-- it's hard to see people come and go. within the past 2 weeks, 2 of my favorite brothers from church have left to go to their respective places. before these guys came along, i had no genuine friendship with a church brother. but after becoming good friends with them, i was able to experience and learn so much from them. it makes me sad that they've left san diego, but i'm also excited to see what God has in store for them. i hope that this phrase, "out of sight, out of mind" will not come true; rather, i hope we'll still keep in touch.

-- p90x is going pretty well. this is my 6th week. my arms and legs are becoming tighter but i really wish i could see a change in my stomach :( where are you, abs?! haha, anyways. dude, working out is awesome. not only does it feel good, but it also helps me mentally. my fear of doing anything athletic has lessened, too! i can now ride a skateboard and not be afraid to fall!! anddd i'm starting to like playing sports. haha dangg.. the only thing i still don't like is running. bleh.

-- i set a punishment for myself. if i'm unable to achieve this one particular goal by next june, then as a punishment, i'm going to move back home. i really don't want to live with my parents in a place where i have no accountability, no church... the old selena might resurface again and that will definitely not be a pretty sight. so, i'm really worried. but i guess this is why it's a punishment.

-- my spiritual walk needs a lot of work. i think i've just been kind of stuck at this one point. i know i'm not falling away, but i'm also not growing. i've been lazy and perhaps this is why everything else in my life has been kind of whatevers. no passion. no drive. no zeal.

-- too many girls around me want to get married right now. dang. just thinking about marriage terrifies me a lot, a lot. even just listening to these girls talk about it scares me. *shudder* i still feel like i'm too young... but my biological clock says otherwise.

that's it for my update. i can't believe it's already november...~

p90x

for a girl who hated p.e. back in the old days, i'm pretty proud of myself for being consistent with this rigorous training program. 90 days filled with various exercise techniques. me?! haha, yes.

this upcoming week will be my 4th week. i'm motivated to complete all 13 weeks (not sure what i'm going to do about the holidays but i'll try my best to not miss a single day). the program is definitely not easy, but it's a great stress-reliever. and boy, it feels super good after the workout. it gives me joy when a bead of salty sweat drips off my face because it shows that i'm really working hard.

if i can be motivated to do something that i've always disliked (ie. exercises), then surely i can find motivation to work hard in all aspects of my life. right? right.

so freakin' lost.

i wish someone would just tell me what to do and direct me in the path that i'm suppose to take. the freedom that we've been given to do whatever we want is good and all.... but too much of it has gotten me so confused and lost. do i continue studying for exams that i'm failing one after the other? or do i look for a job which asks for prior experience, knowing that i don't have any experience at all? should i move back home and hear the lectures from my parents? maybe all their nagging will push me to do something, at least! ughhhhhh!!!!!~~~ i freakin' don't know what the hell i'm doing, or what the hell i'm suppose to do. and why is God being sooo freakin' quiet?!

eff.

life is (not) fair

my tutor kid, ellen, and i were reading a book. one of the characters in the book complained that life was "so not fair." ellen looked up from her book and said, "life isn't fair? life IS fair! what is he (the character was a boy) talking about? life IS fair."

i looked at her and smiled. at the age of 7, life probably seems fantastic.

currently, i'm going through a rough patch in my life. and often, i feel as though life really is not fair. but God is fair. God is just. God is good.

ellen implored my eyes for an answer. i stared at this innocent child who doesn't have any worries... i don't even remember how that feels... but anyway, i whispered to ellen and said, "yea, you're right. life is fair." she smiled and went back to reading her book.

alone

there once was a little girl who grew up all alone. all she had were her parents but they were rarely there for her. she liked school a lot because she didn't feel so alone there. she had friends to play with and talk to. but when she came home, she was reminded of how empty her life was. all she had was mister bear to give her comfort.

as this little girl grew up into a young lady, she learned that mister bear can't do much except give good hugs. she watched her parents grow old and frail. she saw her friends getting married off one by one, creating their own families. she realized that sooner or later, she may possibly be alone forever. she hoped that she, too, would be able to find a family she could call her own.

soon, this young lady turned into an old woman. the old age got the better of her parents... her friends all moved away from her and were too busy being moms and dads... she never found mister right. or maybe there was never a mister right for her. once again, except this time it was for forever, she was all alone with only mister bear to give her comfort.

it was only just a dream.....

a breath of fresh air

i'm finally at peace :) it feels soooo good. i've learned how to forgive and to love a person. that's HUGE! have you ever had to forgive someone who has wronged you? and not only forgive them, but genuinely love them and still care for them?

the bible teaches us to love and to forgive. it's so easy to hear this and nod in agreement. but actually applying this concept to a real-life situation?! oh my gosh. it's not as easy as you think. the journey is so painful and awfully discouraging. but when it finally comes to the end, it feels amazinggg. it's like this:

let's say you're trapped in a very tiny closet and you're running out of air. you're screaming for help but no one can hear you. you're panicking and fearing the worst, sweating and trembling in angst. but after what seems like hours, your hero saves you from the closet and you breathe in a new fresh of air. that first new breath of fresh air feels like heaven, doesn't it? you feel alive and rejuvenated.

that's what i'm feeling right now :) throughout my journey, i had a lot of emo moments and i endured a lot of pain. i knew that i wanted to be rid of it and the only way i could possibly do that was to seek God and ask Him for peace. but God wasn't going to just give me peace. He wanted me to earn that peace, and the only way to do that was to forgive and love this kid.

after so many months of feeling suffocated, i'm now able to breathe in my new breath of fresh air. thank You, Jesus.

epiphany #2

i remember writing about my first epiphany about a year ago. that epiphany was about how i realized that i never loved God. man. that was such an incredible lesson...

anyway, i had another huge epiphany last night and it brought me to happy tears. i learned that i shouldn't be idolizing friendships (in this case, christian friendships) and that if it is God's will that i am no longer to be close to someone, then it's totally okay. we may not have an earthly friendship, but we still have a heavenly relationship -- one that is eternal and forever. he/she will always be my brother/sister in Christ. we're still united by Christ's blood. how awesome is that?! totally awesome.

this past week, i had a lot of time to myself to think, reflect, pray, and meditate on His Word. for the past x months, i've been looking for peace, looking for an answer, and last night, God answered my prayer. it was so good. i've come to peace with myself and a certain kid. i can honestly say that as a sister-in-Christ, i love this kid.

thank You, Jesus :)

on my mind

i came back from a good bible study tonight. it made me think a lot. but now i have all these thoughts floating in my head that i'm just going to write them all out:

-- Christ's blood has given us eternal redemption. He has cleansed our conscience and has forgiven our sins. we've been purified inside and out! purified! but knowing all of this, i still feel so guilty and so filthy and so dirty. will i ever feel the cleansing of His blood?

-- as humans, we focus so much on how we appear before man. we focus so much on the external part first, and then we work on the internal part. but in order for the outside to be clean, we ought to be clean on the inside. to God, it is the internal changing of the heart that He wants to see. my heart has yet to change enough to be pleasing to His eyes. i have so much to work on.

-- my jundo (what is this in english? pastor-to-be?) is a good guy. although he's very sarcastic and often times, i have no idea how to approach his humor, he's still a good guy. he never fails to ask how i'm doing, he never fails to ask for my prayer requests... our young adult group is very blessed to have him. i hope he never reads this, haha.

-- a christian friendship should be glorifying to God. it should be edifying to both people as they support one another, and it should build each other up in Him. so, what happens if a christian friendship is not like this at all? should the 2 people break off the friendship and go their separate ways?

-- lost.

the heart of the matter

forgiveness.

India Arie -- The Heart of the Matter

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm

I've been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I want a happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh gets weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don't love me anymore
Even if you don't love me anymore

i forgive you

i've been in a disheartened mood these days, and i hit the lowest of my lows last night. dang, i can become hysterical so easily. to those who witnessed my insanity: i'm so sorry.

someone hurt me a lot. but how can just one single person have such a crazy impact on me? the only person who should leave a mark on me is JESUS. freakin' a. this one human being, who is worth NOTHING at all compared to my Savior, has gravely caused me so much heartache. it's ridiculous! I'M ridiculous. I'M an idiot. I'M so stupid.

i've been so angry with a fellow child of God. i've said some hateful things about this kid and i didn't care. but is it right of me to say such things about someone who loves God so much? who God loves so much? if God can love this kid, if Jesus can die for this kid, then how in the world can i hate someone that my Holy Father loves??

so what if someone hurt me. i'm sure i hurt people all the time, too. for sure, i know i disappoint my parents over and over and over again.... and yet they forgive me when i don't deserve their forgiveness at all.

so to this kid who i've been struggling with for the past x months.... i forgive you. no longer will i be hating you but i'll be showing you love. no longer will i let you bring me pain but i'm going to find peace in you. i'm going to be a really, really good sister to you. hahaha, it's funny to imagine your facial expression when i go up to you and enthusiastically say, "hii!!!!" hehehe, you're going to be so surprised. you might not even know what to think of it. you may even be scared of it. hahaha~

love.

love.

love.

the most powerful emotion. the most difficult thing to do. LOVE.

Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. -- 1 John 2:9-10

lead me

Brooke Fraser - Lead Me to the Cross

Savior I come

Quiet my soul remember

Redemptions hill

Where Your blood was spilled

For my ransom

Everything I once held dear

I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross

Where Your love poured out

Bring me to my knees

Lord I lay me down

Rid me of myself

I belong to You

Lead me, lead me to the cross

You were as I

Tempted and trialed

You are

The word became flesh

Bore my sin and death

Now You're risen

To your heart

To your heart

Lead me to your heart

Lead me to your heart

own me

http://www.downloads.nl/results/mp3/1/ginny+owens+own+me

Ginny Owens - Own Me

Got a stack of books,

So I could learn how to live;

Many are left half-read,

Covered by the cobwebs on my shelf.

And I got a list of laws,

Growing longer everyday;

If I keep pluggin' away,

Maybe one day I'll perfect myself.

Oh, but all of my labor,

Seems to be in vain;

And all of my laws,

Just cause me more pain;

So I fall before You,

In all of my shame;

Ready and willing to be changed.

Own me

Take all that I am,

And heal me

With the blood of the Lamb.

Mold me

With Your gracious hand;

Break me till I'm only Yours

Own me

Oh, you call me Daughter,

And you take my blame;

And you run to meet me,

When I cry out Your name,

So I fall before You,

In all of my shame.

Lord, I am willing to be changed.

나쁜 놈

seems like i'm always getting hurt.

left and right, always being inert

to these so-called friendships.

it's like looking at a comic strip

but without the jokes and laughs;

a girl's delicate heart breaks in half.

one after the other,

and then comes another.

hoping for a change with this one

but it's all the same in the long run.

he will leave, she will leave,

and i'm the only one left to grieve.

but you who leaves will never see

the somber pain you've given me.

for when you see me, i'll be strong,

hide the real me, and jolly along.

to this day, you still don't know

but would you care? no, you won't.

sometimes i think that i really hate you.

but no matter how hard i try, i really don't.

i really wish i could hate you.

but foolishly, i still care for you

even if you don't care for me at all.

i scream for ice cream!

it's almost the end of august and the sd weather has finally decided to cooperate. it definitely feels like summer now. although i'm glad to see that people are happily basking in the sun, i've been cooped up inside, trying to study in a non-ac environment, sweating along the way and fighting the urge to just lay down and do nothing. it's been like this for the past week and i think i've been slowly turning into a grump.

after a long, grueling day of intense studying, i was feeling pretty miserable. it was a combination of the heat + studies + other things that just really bummed me out. but! the day ended on a really good note :) a group of buddies whom i secretly call, "the entourage," spontaneously came over. one of them had brought ice cream!! i wanted one so badly today~ hehe, thank you mister ha :) it felt so refreshing to play outside at the park on a cool summer night while enjoying a scrumptious oreo cookie ice cream sandwich with good people. i have to admit, i was a very happy child in a 23-year-old body. yay :)

a boyfriend's blunder

i was studying at tnm today with some friends. we were talking about our upcoming tests -- pcat, gre, cpa -- when a young asian guy sitting at a table next to ours interrupted us. the conversation went something like this:

guy: "i'm sorry but what test are you talking about?"

my friend: "oh, the pcat."

guy: "what's that?"

my friend: "it's a test for pharmacy school."

guy: "oh, i see. i thought you were talking about the mcats. my girlfriend is taking her mcats right this minute."

my friend: "your girlfriend must be smart. is she smart? i hope she does well on her exam."

guy: "no, i don't think she's....... i mean, yea, i hope she does well on it, too."

PUAHAHAHA!!! the guy's response was so funny. dude, if he had finished his train of thought, and if his girlfriend was there to hear what he had to say about her intelligence, or lack of, OH EM GEE. hahaha.

no boys!

today, my soon-to-be-in-9th grade, boy-crazy girl told me that she wrote a long list of goals she wants to achieve in high school. i asked her what her goals were, expecting her to say something like, getting straight-A's. but, this boy-crazy girl yelled, "no boys!!" hahahhaa!!! the conversation went something like this:

girl: i wrote a very long list of goals for high school in my diary.

me: oh, what are some of your goals?

girl: NO BOYS!!

me: hahahaha!!! do you mean not dating or not liking boys?

girl: well, i can't date until i'm 18 years old. so, i guess i mean that i don't want to like boys.

me: hahahhaa, that might be a bit hard for you since you've liked so many of them!

girl: hehehehe, yea it's going be really hard. but you know what? you shouldn't start liking a guy without getting know him.

me: yes!!! exactly!!

girl: YEA! don't like a guy without getting to know him!!

me: hahaha OK!! :)

hehehe, she reminded me of a very valuable lesson today. i hope she listens to her own wise words... but i'm pretty sure once high school starts, i'm going to hear many stories about her new crushes, hahahaha~

'love room gift'

i am on a mission.

to find this old school korean candy.

they are round -- not too big, not too small.

fit perfectly in my mouth.

they come in several tasty fruity flavors.

red, orange, yellow, green, purple. even white!

the colors of the rainbow! minus the blue.

the biggest korean market in sd doesn't have it.

but that doesn't mean it's not out there.

it still exists. still being produced.

one day, i'll find this candy.

translated in english, it's called...

"love room gift." 사랑방 선물.

what a long and strange name for a candy.

but anyway.

one day...

i will find it.

and eat it.

mm~ yum.

nothing better

music. is. soo. awesome.

especially gooood music.

my roommate introduced me to a korean ballad last night. i haven't listened to ballads in a really long time. actually, i'm not a big fan of korean ballads because they're soo depressing and dramatic; they actually make my heart ache, haha. it's like watching a korean drama, but instead of watching it, i'm listening to it. anyways, when my roommate started to play the song on youtube, i was very skeptical and i kind of rolled my eyes. but she reassured me that this wasn't one of those "i'm-gonna-die-if-you're-gone" kind of songs. nope. this is a very calm, sweet, and beautifully written song with a soft melody. i like it a lot. one of my favorites :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=be0TMZ2CV9U&feature=related

here's the english translation:

Brown Eyed Soul - Nothing Better

It always appeared before me

your face, I remember.

My heart that stopped short,

you spitefully took my dysfunctional heart.

And with your bright smile,

that's how you easily opened my heart.

That's how I became your man.

All my unpleasant memories I no longer recall.

Because the hand that holds me tight

is as warm as spring.

And now like a dream, my heart

has gradually stopped by your side.

Without awakening for a single moment,

I dream an endless dream.

And now like breathing,

if you were to always rest by my side,

if you were to always remain this way.

nothing better, nothing better than you

nothing better, nothing better than you.

And now like a dream, my heart

in your embrace is held still.

Without awakening for a single moment,

I dream an endless dream.

And now like breathing,

if you were to always rest by my side,

if you were to always remain this way

nothing better, nothing better than you

nothing better, nothing better than you

His thoughts

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,"

declares the Lord.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

"if" moments

this week, i experienced a lot of "if" moments.

if i weren't so naive....

if it wasn't for this person....

if he/she had told me sooner....

if he/she only knew the truth....

if he/she hadn't said anything at all....

during times like these, i always wonder, "man, God. why couldn't this happen or why did You let that happen?" many situations could've been avoided. heartaches could've been prevented. my mind would be free of these fruitless thoughts. sigh.

but as i question a lot of these "if" moments, i'm reminded that they're all according to God's perfect plan; everything happens for a reason and everything happens in His time. my role as a christian daughter is to accept it, thank Him for it, and move on. there's no point mulling over the past. what's done is done!!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -- Jeremiah 29:11

life

Namesake -- Life is Beautiful

Life is full of, ups and downs

And life aint always, what it sounds

Just when you think, you got it down

The moment you realize, you’ve just lost ground

Uh, life aint always what it seems

And life aint always, what you hoped and dreamed

And some people you meet, they can kill your dreams

I don't understand why, they are so mean?

I mean, it’s just the way that people are

That’s why sometimes, I play my guitar

And just sing away, and play away

Until my problems come tumbling down

And life aint perfect, but it's still worth it

Don’t throw your life away, it’ll be a better day

And everyday I pray, and all I got’s to say

That life is just so beautiful today

Chorus:

Today I’m going to follow you

Today I’m going to walk with you

Today I’m going to run to you

Today I’m going to run to you, run to you Jesus (2x)

Life is full of, the good and bad

And sometimes, it’ll make you go mad

And, you don’t understand why it happened

Or why things happen, the way they do

and it’s alright, if you just don’t know

trust God, it’ll work out fo sho

and sometimes you just wanna scream,

and, whatever happened to my hopes and dreams

yo, It’s alright baby, ugh, shout your claim

Let the world know, ugh, what’s your name

Cause, when does life turn out the way we think

When its seems that dreams just start to sink

Like the Titanic, but don’t panic

You can’t stand it, but He’ll stand it

And everyday I pray, and it’ll be Okay

Cause life is still so beautiful today….

Chorus

Life is full of, hurts and pains yo

And, sometimes feels like a game yo

And I don’t understand, but I’m a be a man

Keep faith, that’s right, get through it man

I’m a keep on praising God,

Even though life’s hard, I’ll get through

And I’m a keep on praising You

Cause, life gives, and life takes and

People always in this world, just hate man

But don’t mind it, or rewind it

It aint worth it, cause your worth is

In what Christ did, and that’s real kid

He loves me, I love Him,

That’s success, my life wins

Cause my life – is in Him

and I’m a keep on, moving forward…