wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger

merry Christmas :)

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.  An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.  But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest heaven, 

and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests."

-- Luke 2:8-14

devo from a friend

"When unexpected things happen — trials, difficulty or tragedy — the enemy sends a whirlwind of fear to try to shake our faith and steal our focus. His goal is to take our eyes off of God and cause us to feel overwhelmed by circumstances. But if we will choose to stay focused on the love of God, if we choose to meditate on His goodness, the truth will set us free from fear and ground our hearts in confidence."

this devo could not have come at a better time.
stay focused on God, selena.

whoosh

it's already mid-december and so much has happened.

i finally joined the world of smartphones, and wow. i love it. currently, i'm addicted to instagram and the game, scramble with friends. but what i absolutely love about my new phone is the maps feature. omgosh, i feel like i can go anywhere!!!!

and that is exactly what i did.  i flew to north carolina last weekend and my trusty iphone led me safely to my destinations. phew.

december is jam-packed with many jolly gatherings, endless responsibilities, and a few nerve-wrecking situations. but with them all, i am sooo blessed by His love and His grace. i can't thank Him enough for all the opportunities He has provided, no matter the outcome.

anyways. for the very few times it has rained during the winter in sd, it is actually pouring today. i'm going to enjoy it by staying inside, sipping hot cocoa, and writing christmas cards while "friends" is playing in the background. heh :)

thanksgiving 2012

this entry is a bit belated but still, it's an annual tradition for me to write out my thanks on my blog, haha.

this year, in particular, i am so grateful for God's faithfulness in my family's lives. my uncles have been financially suffering and had to move out of their homes; but praise God, they are not homeless and are making ends meet. my mom was close to being fired -- it was between her and another worker-- but praise God that He had let her keep her job. my mom's side of the family ALL live in the bay area and this was not planned. praise God that we can celebrate thanksgiving and christmas altogether. we are so very fortunate.. i wonder if my cousins feel the same. hmm. but most importantly, my dad let my mom come with me to celebrate thanksgiving with her family. praise God for the softening of his heart. i truly hope that one day, he too, will want to be a part of mom's side of the family.

as i looked around the living room at my aunt's house on thanksgiving day, i realized how much everyone has grown, and we've seen each other grow every single year of our lives. in my eyes, my aunt's house was always humongous, but now, since all my cousins have grown, my aunt's house looks so tiny! but anyway, we are so blessed to be able to celebrate this wonderful holiday together.. every year.. and our family is growing :) one by one, my cousins are getting married.. and pretty soon, there will be little babies! haha, i hope :) oh, how exciting that will be. i really hope that when everyone gets married, we will still all meet for the holidays. of course, that will be super hard since they will have their own families and such, but a girl can dream, right?

anyways. here is our annual couch picture of me and my cousins (minus the oldest cousin who's in korea). we are all squished together. i love it.

family support

it's.. really funny to see the adults criticize so much on my cousin's fiance.

... that sentence requires an explanation, doesn't it? haha

my cousin's fiance's mom disapproves of my cousin. my extended family is completely baffled and angered by this mom's disapproval since our cousin is super smart, super gentle, super motherly, and just way too good for this boy. after my mom, aunts, and uncles found out about this boy's mom's disapproval of their niece, they have been keeping a verry close eye on him. from the way he dresses to the way he sits down, they have just been super critical (unnecessarily picky, really) of him. they look at him and say to themselves, "this boy is NOT any better than my precious niece. look at his manners. look at his clothes. look at such-and-such."

my mom has told me of all the complaints that she and her siblings have been saying about this boy. of course, i don't approve of their criticism of him (nor is the criticism even remotely reasonable) because really, he did nothing wrong -- it's his mom that disapproves of my cousin.  however, i do find it hilarious and even admirable to see so much love and support that my whole family has for my cousin.  it's.. quite awesome, to be honest.

if, by chance, my cousin or her fiance comes across my blog.. which i highly doubt.. i just want to say one thing to the fiance: don't be offended nor scared by the adults. they love my cousin and are very protective of her in the same way that your mom is being very protective of you. but not to worry, i believe that both parties will eventually grow to love the both of you :)

nature

someone asked me what i find romantic. oh my, i find soo many things romantic! (it's because i'm a girl, i'm sure) but i think.. what i truly find romantic.. is being one with nature. His creation is just so breathtaking, don't you think? and the beauty of it is so captivating.. so mesmerizing.. wherever i am, whether i'm walking along the beach or crunching on colorful autumn leaves or smelling the freshly blossomed flowers or attempting cartwheels on the luscious green grass or watching the sunrise/sunset, i can't help but fall deeply in love with Him. i find that to be the most romantic. and i think the song below gives a wonderful description of nature in its entirety. so, enjoy! :)

Secret Garden -- Powered by Nature

I’m powered by nature,

weak, but strong I stand
before the force of elements

of this wild and wondrous land.

I’m powered by nature,

And the mystery it hides

the rain and sun encircles

a synthesis of light.

I’m powered by the miracle

of the newborn budding rose

to see that spring of bloom

and everything that grows.

I’m powered by the forest

walking in the green,

where I can smell the earth

and drink the water clean.

I’m powered by rivers,

running wild, running free

from the highest mountain

down to the deep-blue sea.

I’m powered by the oceans

that calls my yearning heart

to reach for the horizon

far beyond afar.

I’m powered by snow

that covers all in white

and lets summer sleep

and slumber through the night.

I’m powered by darkness

in the long winter night

when I see a glimpse

of the faring northern lights.

I’m powered by stars

on the endless sky

light years from the earth,

much closer when I fly.

But even if I soar

in poems and songs

I must always return

to where my heart belongs.

I’m powered by moonlight

eternal ebb and flow

the rhythm of the nature

running through my blood.

I’m powered by the seasons

winter, spring, summer, and fall

the ever-changing colours

and the beauty of them all.

I’m powered by sun

shining down on me

and I am like a flower

absorbing energy.

I’m powered by wind

blowing through my hair

I’m breathing life,

breathing clean, fresh air.

I’m powered by mountains

they make me feel so small,

so I can seize the wonder

and the greatness of it all.

I know I’m not alone

here on planet Earth

I know I’m a part

of God's great universe.

I know I’m a part

of God's great universe!

hands

“people used to tell me that i had beautiful hands
told me so often, in fact, that one day i started to believe them until i asked my photographer father, “hey daddy could i be a hand model”

to which he said no way, 

i dont remember the reason he gave me and i wouldve been upset, 

but there were far too many stuffed animals to hold
too many homework assignment to write, 
too many boys to wave at 
too many years to grow, 

we used to have a game, my dad and i about holding hands cus we held hands everywhere, and every time either he or i would whisper a great
big number to the other, pretending that we were keeping track of how many times we had held hands that we were sure, this one had to be 8 million 2 thousand 7 hundred and fifty three.

hands learn more than minds do, 
hands learn how to hold other hands, 
how to grip pencils and mold poetry, 
how to tickle pianos and dribble a basketball, 
and grip the handles of a bicycle
how to hold old people, and touch babies , 
i love hands like i love people, 

they're the maps and compasses in which we navigate our way through life, some people read palms to tell your future, 

but i read hands to tell your past, 
each scar marks the story worth telling, 
each calloused palm, 
each cracked knuckle is a missed punch 
or years in a factory, 

now ive seen middle eastern hands clenched in middle eastern fists pounding against each other like war drums, each country sees theyre fists as warriors and others as enemies.

even if fists alone are only hands. but this is not about politics, no hands arent about politics, this is a poem about love, and fingers. fingers interlock like a beautiful zipper of prayer. 

one time i grabbed my dads hands so that our fingers interlocked perfectly but he changed positions, saying no that hand hold is for your mom. 

kids high five, but grown ups, we learn how to shake hands, you need a firm hand shake,but dont hold on too tight, but dont let go too soon, but dont hold down for too long, 

but hands are not about politics, when did it become so complicated. i always thought its simple. 

the other day my dad looked at my hands, as if seeing them for the first time, and with laughter behind his eye lids, with all the seriousness a man of his humor could muster, he said you know you got nice hands, you could’ve been a hand model, and before the laughter can escape me, i shake my head at him, and squeeze his hand, 8 million 2 thousand 7 hundred and fifty four.” 

― Sarah Kay

idk

i was re-reading past emails from a friend whom i haven't talked to in awhile. and as i was re-reading them, i couldn't help but wonder what happened to the friendship. are time and distance really the main culprits for friendships to slowly fade? or.. have i just become indifferent and jaded?

.. i don't really know.

rejoice!

rejoice!
rejoice!
rejoice!

for God is good. all the time.

it helps me to take a break from the busy-ness of the world and be reminded of how sovereign our Lord is. and to take a few minutes to really see the beauty of His love for us. and His compassion. and His grace.

life has been so crazy that i'm starting to have small panic attacks. i started to use my dumbphone's calendar and when i look at my calendar, each day is highlighted in red which signifies that there's something i need to do or somewhere i need to be.

i'm really thankful for the busy-ness; i really am. but being human, i still fear not being able to get everything done or not being able to time-manage. i really, really, really wish my body didn't need any sleep. if only, if only.

i've been making a to-do list for everything now -- a to-do list for work, tutoring, apps, church, errands, and even gmats. sometimes i wonder if God has His own list for me, too. heh heh, that'd be funny..

anyways. that's the end of my rambles. back to work.  :)

first interview request

as much as i'm so grateful and very much surprised at my first interview request...
i cannot help but feel totally and completely FREAKED out.
it also doesn't help that the interview will be halfway across the states.. in unfamiliar territory.. T.T

but praise God :) thankYou..

thirst for the One

Jesus gave us the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit gives us life.  it is by the Holy Spirit that we can experience God, that we can seek God, that we can have life and fruitfulness and salvation.

p.joe never fails to mention how we should never seek these things in other wordly goods -- he always gives the example of bf/gf.  i'll admit, it gets tiring to hear about bf/gf in almost every one of his sermons, but today, i realized.. there's a reason for a strong emphasis in that aspect. and i don't mean just bf/gf but in relationships with human beings.

we're sinners. all of us. why seek the imperfect human when there's a perfect Creator?

trust

to have COMPLETE faith in God.
to NOT be discouraged with the outcomes.
to be JOYFUL in ALL circumstances.
to BELIEVE that HIS path is the BEST road to glorifying Him and His kingdom.
to give EVERYTHING to His control.

to TRUST Him with all the above.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -- Jeremiah 29:11

bye, october

as expected, you were a whirlwind of a month.

but despite all the nightmares, indigestion, and acne...

i survived (cue destiny's child, "survivor").

unfortunately...

i thought you would be the only crazy month of 2012,

but it looks like november and december will be competing against you

for the title of "which month will drive selena mad?"

sigh.

oh well.

one month down and two more to go!

i shall finish the year strong!

because...

i have..

God.

:)

personal statement questions

why do you want to be an accountant?

why do you want a master's degree at _______ ?

what are your short-term and long-term goals?

how will a master's degree help you achieve your goals?

.......

BAHHH i don't know!!!

:( how to write these essays.... if only they could write themselves, oh how happy i would be!

que Dios te bendiga

may God bless you! :)

this past saturday, i had an amazing opportunity to go to mexico with some brothers and sisters from church to help build an orphanage in tecate, mexico, and to play with the orphans from an orphanage called City of Angels.  this trip consisted of many first's for me:

my first time outside of the states

my first time in mexico (san diego really IS close to mexico!)

my first time on a missions trip

my first time serving people outside of church

my first time serving with hope church (a church in general)

my first time seeing and playing with orphans

up until this moment, i always wondered why i never had a strong conviction or a sense of urgency to go on a missions trip. but this month, (and of all the months, my busiest month of the year) God told me to go. i didn't think twice about going or not, nor did i question His sudden calling; but rather, i signed up and went.

the trip itself was really good. although it was only a one-day trip and there wasn't much building involved, i really enjoyed the fellowship with my church group (this is another first for me since i'm not really a group-type of person, especially when i don't know more than half of the people) and i really, really enjoyed playing with the children. i brought my favorite caramel-apple lollipops to share with them... i hope they liked it! :D

anyways, this trip was a great first step to do God's work and i'm really glad that He gave me a desire to finally serve others instead of myself.

hi, october

hello to the busiest month of 2012.

focus. courage. trust. pray. breathe.

and smile.

for although a lot of things are crammed into this month,

i'm super excited. and nervous. but more-so excited :)

quote

He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.

-- bob marley

things i can't say aloud

i'm beginning to see that.. there are people who i care for.. who are very dependent on alcohol. and it scares me.. and worries me.. but i don't know what to do? or, am i to do anything? to say anything? i've been in denial for quite awhile.. and turning the other cheek, pretending not to see the truth.. making up excuses for them..

and lately, i've been hearing stories about those who have become so addicted to alcohol that it has ruined their lives and the lives around them. i don't want that to happen to any of my friends, anyone that i know. it's so heartbreaking. to be addicted to this liquid that looks so harmless yet is so potent.

and.. not that smoking is "as bad" as being an addict to alcohol.. but it really bothers me.. to see the people i cherish smoke. i've seen how a cigarette can control a person's actions firsthand and it was far from being pleasant. i really wish they would quit..

bonkers

i am going bonkers while trying to do everything all at once. why can't accounting grad schools have just ONE application with the same essay topic and the same prereqs and the same deadline, like how the UC system has one application? and i believe law schools have one application as well. ahh.. it would be easier, not just for myself, but for my recommenders, too. i feel bad that they have to go through the trouble of either mailing a hard copy or uploading their rec letters onto multiple websites. i'm so sorry, professor/employer! T.T sigh sigh.

bonkers. when i hear or use this word, i think of the cartoon series, "Animaniacs," from the '90s. i'm not sure why, haha. did you know the executive producer for this series was steven spielberg? what a creative genius.

shrug

it isn't just my mom who's worried about me for never having dated anyone, or that i'm not dating anyone at my "old" age. but it's my whole extended family who are seriously concerned about me. i'm not sure how i feel about my aunts and uncles talking about me.. and worrying about me.. perhaps even feeling sorry for me? maybe even feeling sorry for my mom? 

i don't feel very good about it. i wish i can tell them that they shouldn't be so worried; i'm not even worried! and i'm not worried.. bc.. i don't think it's that important. what's so wrong about a girl being single, and maybe remaining single for the rest of her life? will they always feel sorry for me and my mom as long i'm single? i don't ever want to see them look at me with a sadness in their eyes..

sigh. 

yummy food & wise words

i spent almost 5 hours with my pastor's wife aka samoneem aka mama bear today. five hours! o.O she taught me how to make california rolls (it looked something like the picture below).

yumm! i can't wait to try making them again by myself. and i doubly can't wait to make them for my parents! :D i already know what my momma is going to say: "you're ready to get married!" haha, she is always so predictable.

aside from gushing about our infatuation for food, samoneem had quite a lot to say about family. our conversation brought us both to tears. it was quite a sentimental moment we shared and by the time we finished, it was already evening.

one thing that struck me the most from today's conversation is how there are many strong, faithful, and godly servants who have come from broken families. it's really amazing how God has used these certain individuals to not follow the ways of their abusive, adulterous, alcoholic, or non-existent parents but rather, He has used them to be the complete opposite. it's quite true that parents play a key role in a child's life, but their significance is actually quite small compared to God's role in one's life. He conquers all.

"really, your situation is not as bad as compared to others'. there are people who have been or are in worse conditions. and yet, look how they've turned out! it's truly by God's work and His grace that have helped them turn out the way they did."

His love

How Deep the Father's Love For Us

How deep the Father's love for us

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss

The Father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the Chosen One

Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon a cross

My sin upon His shoulders

Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice

Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom

...

what i would give to have a sister..

feel so alone in this world.
wish i could just...

a prayer for healing

"Like Eve after she tasted the forbidden fruit, we women hide. We hide behind our makeup. We hide behind our humor. We hide with angry silences and punishing withdrawals. We hide our truest selves and offer only what we believe is wanted, what is safe. We act in self-protective ways and refuse to offer what we truly see, believe, and know. We will not risk rejection or looking like a fool. We have spoken in the past and met with blank stares and mocking guffaws. We will not do it again. We hide because we are afraid. We have been wounded and wounded deeply. People have sinned against us and we have sinned as well. To hide means to remain safe, to hurt less. At least that is what we think. And so by hiding, we make matters into our own hands. We don't return to our God with our broken and desperate hearts." -- Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge

for those who have been wounded, broken, desolated...
for those who hide behind masks, pretending to be someone who they're not while trying to please everyone else but themselves...
for those who are suffering mentally, physically, emotionally...
for those who are slipping away from God, farther and farther away from Him because they're in hiding...
for those who can't trust and have put up walls around their heart...
for those who think they're not beautiful enough, smart enough, worthy enough...

... a prayer for healing.

a dry spell

this past week has been the hottest week of the summer, and this summer has been one of the hottest summers ever in history. not only has the heat made me thirsty for ice cold water every minute of the day but it has sapped my will to do anything! all i seem capable of doing is sprawling on the couch, watching one-too-many episodes of HIMYM, and taking looong naps. summer has turned me into a snorlax -.-

but on a more serious note, and i can't blame this on the heat, i've been in a dry funk, living a very dreary and drab life, having no emotions and simply drifting on a lifeless life. days go by and i feel like i'm just.. watching them go by. i feel very empty inside and so, i've been filling this void with HIMYM and longer hours of work! but i've finally took the time to reflect on my current state and to admit to myself that, i haven't been pursuing God. 

in the words of P. Joe, a christian life is meant to be a marathon, and we, as christians, are to be running this race at a steady pace. but in my own personal race, i've completely stopped and i haven't ran in a long time (mental note: start exercising). i guess i've forgotten why i'm in this marathon and i've stopped looking forward to what lies ahead at the finishing line. i've also forgotten that i'm not in this race alone, but that my brothers and sisters are running alongside me, that we're all in this together.

in truth, i have forgotten what it feels like to have accountability -- to have brothers and sisters who would urge and encourage you to continue to press towards that goal.  i'm not blaming anyone, by the way; i'm only blaming myself. by surrounding myself with, well, myself, i've come to realize that i can't do this alone, and this race is not meant to be a one-man race.

i'm unsure when i'll come out of this dry spell, to be honest. but i hope it will be soon. i long for a joyful heart again, but more importantly, i really miss my Father. i miss His Spirit within me, i miss rejoicing in Him, i miss talking to Him, i miss hearing His voice, i miss singing praises to Him, i miss learning from Him.. i miss so many things. a life without Him is really no life at all.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me -- Psalm 51:10

meh

my tutor kid lied to me today. last week, i assigned him several pages of math homework and when i looked over his answers today, i had a feeling that he had copied the answers from the back of the workbook. instead of accusing him of cheating, i asked him how he knew the answers to the problems without doing any of the work, and he replied, "i did them in my head." pfft -.- i chose one of the homework questions and asked him to solve it. he stared at the problem for a good minute and gave an answer. naturally, it was the wrong answer. and yet, on his paper, the right answer was neatly written. and so, i started saying, "hmm.. you know, i feel like you copied the answers from --" he knew he got caught and immediately cut me off in mid-sentence, "you're right. i did. i'm sorry. i'm sorry." and he really meant it.

the feeling of being lied to.. it isn't a good feeling. i didn't really care if he cheated on his homework but i was really disappointed that he was lying to me about it.  it made me sad, and i guess i'm still a little bit sad about it since i'm blogging about it after it had happened like, seven hours ago, haha. it hurts. is that weird? he's not even my own flesh and blood, but it hurts. i guess i got a small glimpse of how moms feel when their child lies to them.

... meh.

how i met your mother

7 seasons have been out, and i'm watching this NOW?!

... well, better late than never, i guess.

this show is so funny! it usually takes a lot for me to give out a loud laugh (i'm more of a silent chuckler) but this show has not failed to amuse me. the ideas, jokes, marshall's songs, and the lines (oh, the lines!) are so cleverly written that i really wish i knew people who shared the same personalities as these five characters (of course, i can't forget the funny six "friends"). how much more entertaining and less boring my life would be if i were to be surrounded by them, haha. 

ted

growing up as an only child, and usually being home alone, my stuffed animals became my friends. whenever i needed comfort, i'd go to my teddy bear for a hug. whenever i was bored and had no one to talk to, i'd talk to my furry friends. whenever i went on a family trip, i'd take one of my stuffed animals and promise the rest of the others that i'd take them on the next family trips because i didn't want them to feel left out. in my mind, i know that they're not real. but in my heart, they're very real to me and they've been my closest and dearest friends since i was a baby.

with that being said, you can imagine how excited i was to see a movie premiere about a teddy bear that comes to life! i absolutely had to watch this movie, and after some form of begging and whining on my part, my friends agreed to watch it with me. secretly, i wished i could watch the movie with my own teddy.. but i guess my teddy will have to wait until the dvd comes out, hehe. anyways, from the beginning of the movie to the end, i was deeply engrossed with the story, and in some parts, i could relate to it. aside from the naughty jokes, i fell in love with ted, and i actually cried towards the end of the movie. and no, it wasn't a single drop of tear, but it was a pool of water, added with sniffles. i had to cover my eyes during the part that made me cry because i couldn't bear to watch it. my heart literally broke for ted while being furious at the character who hurt ted (oh my goodness, i sound like a crazy person). overall, i liked the movie a lot. and when i came home, i gave my bear a big hug :)

i know i'm considered to be "too old" for stuffed animals... and i also know that people think i'm silly for being so emotionally attached to these "things that are lifeless." but to me, it doesn't matter. whether my furry friends are alive or not, i grew up with them and they'll always be my friends forever.

dear dad

dear dad,

you are so consumed in your anger and hatred for others that you have dug yourself into a very deep and bottomless hole, and i'm afraid you will possibly never come out of it. it's actually very saddening and upsetting that you have completely lost your way in this dark abyss and have no desire to seek the the warm light that is at the top of this hole. if you could just climb upwards a little bit, and inch your way towards the top, you could finally see that life is not meant to be ugly and miserable, but that life CAN actually be quite benevolent and delightful. if only you weren't so blinded by your stubbornness, if only you could stop self-attacking yourself and blaming others for your fall, if only you could forgive those who have hurt you in the past (and i mean in the wayyy past), and if only you could just, for once, lower your pride and humble yourself before others... if only you could do all these things, then maybe you can finally breathe and be free of all negativity and bitterness.

all i can do, dear dad, is to pray for you, and to pray that you will someday be liberated from the chains of fury. i pray that your blackened, hardened, and scarred heart will be blanketed with a peaceful, softened, and renewed heart that will sing with a beautiful melody as opposed to the cacophonous noises that it currently pounds. and i pray, from the bottom of my heart, that the demons inside of you will not win and overtake you, but that the Holy Spirit will come into your life and defeat these hellish creatures who have possessed your soul for so many years. but, my dear dad, it is up to you to make a choice: to live with your filthy hatred until your dying day, or to be freed from your captivity and live in harmony, as hard as it may be to do. i pray that you will make a wise decision and the right decision because it will not only affect you, but it will affect me and mom. for although you ferociously argue that your hatred for others does not apply to us, it actually does hurt us very much and leaves us to tears many, many times. you do not know how much sorrow and pain you have caused us, and how much heartache you still continue to bring upon us. it isn't fair, dear dad, but then again, the purpose of this letter is not to say what is and is not fair. nor is the purpose of this letter to seek an apology or sympathy from you. no. the purpose of this letter is to express my deepest wishes and prayers for you.

may you please open your heart, even just a tiny crack, to allow my God inside of you, to heal you and to save you from drowning further into the hands of the evil one. this is my ultimate prayer for you.

your one and only daughter,
me

a square

a buddy whom i know likes to call me a square. to him, my full name is: a square church girl. when we first became acquainted, he labeled me as a square. to this day, i still refuse to accept this label and i demand to be called a circle or a star. but a square? oh, please.

an irony has recently come into play. this buddy who said he would never need me for dating advice (because, in his words, he "has game") has come crawling to me, the so-called square, for advice. the reason? because for the first time in his life, he has found an interest in a girl who is also a square. and he has no idea what to do or not do with a square.

he told me what his normal routine consists of with a girl he finds an interest in, but his normal "routine" has been shot down by this square girl and he is mystified: "i have no idea what is going on! and what i'm suppose to do!" hahaha, he's finally realized he can't get the ladies as easily as he thought.

although i laugh at his situation and secretly enjoy that for once he's fallen so clueless, i can't help but reflect on the past guys who i've had to deal with. they were like my buddy, too. for the first time in their lives, they were chasing after a square. to these type of guys, chasing a square may seem to be appealing at first. but soon they realize that a square requires a lot of patience and respect. my buddy has yet to learn this, and though he says that he wants to end up with a square, i'm not all too sure that he'll have the patience to date a square. not right now, anyway, but hopefully someday.

as much as i find my buddy's situation very entertaining, i'm also very thankful for this amusement and learning experience. my buddy has shown me a guy's perspective and thoughts, and i feel like i can now stop blaming guys for being curious about a square. i mean, one can't help but be curious of a square or any other type of girls. but the question is, do they have the patience to be committed to a square?

... shrug.

a prayer list

this summer has its ups and downs..
and this summer has shown me that i have many things to pray for..
so i'm going to make a list.. starting now..

-- parents' salvation and health
-- uncles' financial woes
-- those who may be, but are most likely, in cults
-- dt girl's prayer requests
-- roommate
-- a sister's cancer surgery
-- the china/korea mission team, along with others who are going on missions this summer
-- the courage to not run away but to face "them." i've never been so scared to face anyone before..
-- gmats. grad apps. grad schools. future.

my heart is very heavy right now, and i can't even imagine how certain people who are going through such difficulties can stand so tall and strong. i admire these individuals most greatly.

a hug

i came across this picture on a friend's tumblr. i thought it was really cute and so, i'm posting it on my blog :)

vbs & momma's visit

life has been a crazy blur but two things stand out very clearly during the last weeks of june: vbs and momma's visit to sd.

first, vbs (vacation bible school). during my 7 years at hope, it was my first time volunteering for vbs. despite my resistance and multiple, elongated no's, my mama bear forced me to sign-up as a crew leader for the kids. i didn't mind helping out with decorations and the behind-the-scenes stuff, but i reeaallyyy didn't want to lead a group of kids; i didn't know how to and i didn't know what to do. not only was it my first time partaking in vbs, but it was also my first time committing myself to a huge church event with brothers and sisters whom i didn't know at all. basically, i was scared. but for no real, concrete reasons.

but during the week of vbs, i was incredibly blessed by the kids and the vbs itself. my dear sister, e.oh, and i co-led a group of six 4th graders (incoming 5th graders); she led, i followed, hehe. we also had tons of help from a t.a and a married woman, and thank goodness they were in our group because we needed the help very much, haha. vbs was really fun and our kids knew the message of the gospel. i hope and pray that as they grow, their love and passion for God will remain with them. in general, i'm very thankful for my mama bear's push towards vbs; i absolutely needed it. here's a picture :) (minus the t.a)

a few days after vbs, my momma visited sd for a couple of days. it was our first time spending so much time together... i think the longest we've spent with each other was only a couple of hours and that was usually when i would follow her while she was doing errands. anyway, while she was here, she gave me "advice" (more like lectures) about boys, dating, and marriage. of course, i anticipated this since it's nothing new with good ol' momma. but aside from this, i learned a lot about her and she, too, began to see a different side of me. her image of me has always been a critical and not-so-pleasant one, and so, it felt very nice to hear her positive feedback on my improved, older self.

on one of the days, we visited an aunt from my dad's side of the family in LA who i haven't seen since i was eight years old. the drive to LA (k-town) was horrendous, ohmygosh, but it was definitely worth it to see her. i'm not sure when momma and i will ever get to see her again without pops knowing about it but i'm praying that one day, someday, my pops' grudge against his family will eventually subside. meh. anyways. on another day, i took her to the tourist sites and eateries of sd, but the most fun part of the trip was when we went to seaworld. it was our first time. i love seaworld! i love sea animals; i think they're so interesting. during a brief phase in my life, i wanted to be a marine biologist just so that i can see sea animals up close. but this dream was crushed when i learned that my brain couldn't grasp the concept of science whatsoever :( anyway, momma and i had a blast at seaworld :) i don't think i can ever get sick of it. here's me and momma with the pink flamingos.

june has gone and july has come. this month will be a tough month for sure. so much to do and i don't know where to start. but... it'll be a good month :)

be loving

my friend loves to ask questions starting with, "on a scale from 1 to 10...," and his favorite question to ask me is, "on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you miss me?" and my favorite reply is, "you're in the negatives. far below 0." hahaha, i'm kidding, of course :)

yesterday's sermon was about loving people and forgiving everyone. as children of God, who dearly loves us now matter how wretched we are, we are called to be compassionate, kind, forgiving, gentle, and patient, and binding all these virtues with love (colossians 3:12-13). when i was listening to the sermon, i felt very uncomfortable and slid lower and lower in my seat because my heart was bursting with so much guilt and shame. i asked myself, "on a scale from 1 to 10, how loving am i?" and my answer was the same as i had answered my friend -- i am way below the zero mark, drowning in the negatives. 

my pastor asked this question, "what's the point of loving only those you who love you?"

... stab.

ouch.

sigh. to be loving. it's.. not easy. but..
i should try harder.
i want to try harder.
i will try harder.

Dear God, thankYou for showering me with Your unconditional and steadfast love. please help me to be more compassionate, more kind, more forgiving, more gentle, more patient, and more loving. please fill my heart with a strong and urgent craving for all these beautiful virtues so that i may strive to be more like You. amen.

this past week

things that made me smile this past week:
-- a text from emory:
"i miss you already. 10 cents i know but i thought i'd make it worth it. don't smile too hard please."

-- a conversation with hermit:
buddy: mmm... i realized ur company seems to always be a pleasant one, hahaha. so far that is. it's a rare moon we chill. lol.
me: moon?
buddy: err, once in a blue moon. whoops

-- vchat with my best friend (kind of inappropriate but so funny):
me: i have a lot of stuffed animals on my bed. but i'm not creative with naming my stuffed animals. i just call them "mister bear" or "mister cow"
bff: are all your stuffed animals males?
me: ...... why, yes.... i guess they are.
bff: hahaha, that is quite telling of you.
me: well, i mean, they ARE on my bed.. i'd rather have the males on my bed...
bff: hahahaha!! at least i'm not discriminating like you. i have both male and female stuffed animals.
me: that is quite telling of YOU. i see you go both ways.

-- basketball jersey "photoshoot" with my (ex) roommate

-- a souvenir from hawaii. thankyou, pretty lady :)

things that made me so very grateful this past week:
-- praise God for providing my aptmate and i two new roommates! they'll be moving-in in july. they are cousins and seem very nice and clean! :)

-- an email from wake forest university. it has the #1 passing rate of cpa exams for the past 5 out of 6 years. i hope i can get in. tim duncan and chris paul are from this school. the school's basketball team is a part of NCAA Division I. man, i love basketball.

-- purchased plane tickets for my momma. she will be visiting sd in the last week of june! this will be my first time spending more than a couple of hours with her. it may be a little frustrating but i know it will be good.

-- a new friend has given me her old phone to use (my dumbphone's touch screen hasn't been working for the past 3 weeks). we don't know each other very well so it was very kind of her to offer her old phone. thankyou :)

... hmm, i kind of like reflecting and writing a list about my past week... perhaps i'll write a post at the end of each week... maybe.

momma's first gchat

i don't know what my momma was doing up past midnight tonight but i saw her name pop up on my gchat list. at first, i hesitated to IM her because when i had first IMed her a year ago, she had completely ignored me. i'd like to think that she ignored me because she didn't know how to respond, haha. nevertheless, i was so curious as to why she was up so late at night, so i took a chance and i IMed her. i waited for a good four minutes, and as i was staring at the IM box, finally i could see that she was typing back. yess!! she was responding back to me!!

our conversation was very short and limited. we both were taking a fairly long time replying to each other because we were typing in korean. i can easily picture her poking at the keyboard, haha. still, i was and still am so very happy that we were able to gchat.

i asked my mom why she wasn't sleeping and she replied, "내 마음이다," which means, "it's my choice." now i see where i get my sassiness from >.< our 5-minute conversation ended with her saying that this online chatting is fun and that she wanted to do it again. haha, welcome to the 21st century, umma! :)

see you later, piglet

my friend and sd buddy of 7yrs.
my roommate for the last 2 yrs.
i call her piglet and i go by pooh.
but when she wears her bright orange shirt to bed, i call her pumpkin.
she says that i'm scared of the human touch so she's been "helping" me become desensitized. her way of desensitizing me is by attacking me on my bed, or grabbing my wrists and making scary faces at me. oh yes, this will help me overcome my fear of the human touch. *rolls eyes*
i'm going to miss this crazy, sassy little girl who dances around the apt while screaming at the top of her lungs. i really do think she's psycho at times. but in a funny way :)

see you later, piglet. thankyou for all the good times. more to come, i hope~

c'mon!!

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sometimes..

sometimes i wish i can just say this to people..
that s/he is just "somebody that i used to know."
but i'm not brave enough, nor is it really necessary.
but i really wish i can say it because i want some people to know..
that i don't care about them anymore,
that they can't hurt me anymore,
that they don't mean anything to me anymore.
but like a scaredy-cat, i refrain and i hide,
hoping that my absence from the virtual world will help them forget who i am.
or maybe, it's the other way around.
i want to forget about them.
i just want him/her to be..
gone.

my friend, emory

on one beautiful sunday afternoon while having lunch with church people, i made fun of my soon-to-be friend for wearing a very bright pink cardigan although he fruitlessly argued that it was green, not pink (talk about being color-blind). from then on, we became really good friends. mind you, it may have been a little rude on my part for teasing him since it was only my second time meeting him and he was also the new kid in town. but it's ok; to this day, he argues that no one can hurt him since he "has no feelings." however, i don't think i believe him since he hasn't worn his pink cardigan ever since that one beautiful sunday afternoon, haha. well anyway, our friendship, based solely on ridicules and insults, blossomed in mid-may (about four weeks ago) and as much as i deny it in front of him and everyone else, i can honestly say that i consider this arrogant, overly confident, flashy-colored-dressed, very unique, and crazy boy to be one of my dearest brothers.

i am still so amazed by how quickly our friendship grew and how much pain i've suffered from laughing soo much with and at him. i didn't expect to become friends so quickly with someone as loud and annoying as him (jk), but God's timing is so perfect. this boy from another state who came to SD for less than 3 months could not have come into my life at a better time.

emory, i know you're going to read this. because this entry is about you. and with that big head of yours, you'll of course want to read anything that remotely mentions you. so here you go, emory. you're on your way home today and i just wanted to say... thankyou for being you :)

best friend

...i really hope and wish for you to get to a place where you are happy and comfortable with who you are. but until you get there, know that i believe in you. i know that you are a good friend, good daughter, and a good person. i know that you try really hard to be a good christian and the fact that you try so hard is a testament to who you are. i know you will someday see what i see in you and i can't wait for that moment :)  -- my best friend

:') speechless.
thankyou, best friend.
your friendship and your words mean so much.
<3

incredibly blessed

for all that has happened so far this month..
for the wonderful conversations..
for the delicious food..
for the accountability..
for the new and old friends..
for Your protection..
for all that i have been spoiled with..
all of it is from You, God.
each and everyday of this month,
i have only You to thank for it.

this month has been a whirlwind of fun-filled dates and amazingly delicious food. tomorrow, i get to go home to more fun and more food.. to my mom and dad.. and to my best friend..

i..am..so.. happy :')

moving on

thankYou for being ever so faithful and good..
You answered my prayer..
and although it hurts right now, i know it's the right thing..
moving forward, walking towards You.

a fresh start

i went to 2 church services today -- one in english and the other in korean. from 9am to 4pm. ohmygoshh, i was pretty church-ed out by late afternoon but i enjoyed it :) i couldn't fully understand the korean sermon but the bits and pieces of it were a lot more convicting than the english sermon mainly because i really needed to hear these words. perfect timing, God.


믿음으로 내가 결심한 것들을 하나씩 다시 시작하자.

a special 25th :)

i dreaded turning 25 for a loong time now. even on the day before i turned a quarter of a century, my stomach felt queasy and unnerving. i'm not sure why i fear the number 25 so much. maybe because if i round it, the number is 30? or maybe because i can no longer say that i'm in my young 20s? whatever the reason is, i am what i am. and i am 25 years old. ohh.myy.

but what a good first day of turning 25! :) today was a reaallyy good, sunny day. even though i deactivated fb, friends still remembered my birthday. to be honest, some of the text messages i received were a great surprise. how did they know?? hmm.. shrug. i did absolutely nothing today -- just lay in bed, caught up with my tv shows, and talked on the phone. for dinner, i celebrated with wonderful sisters from church. it was the perfect dinner that i was hoping for -- one that was just really chill, casual, and fun! i absolutely loved it :)

not very many people will see this.. but i still wanted to say thankyou to those who called, sent texts/emails/cards, and celebrated my birthday (not just today but on other days as well). i realized that there was nothing to fear about this day. in fact, this was one of the most memorable and special birthdays ever :)

thankyou, Father, for all these beautiful people in my life~

i'm only human

one of my worst fears came true.
i got called a hypocrite.
behind my back.
i wish she would realize that i'm not perfect.
she said i'm not a "good christian" because what i do contradicts what a "good christian" is suppose to do.
what does she know what a "good christian" looks like?
i never claimed i was "good."
but beside that, i hate the label "good." what makes any of us good?
i try to be faithful to Him and loyal to Him.
but i may fall here and there;
i may slip and regress back to my former ways;
i may waver in my decisions.
but this shouldn't make me less of a christian.
no.
i'm human.
i'll make mistakes.
i'll constantly and always sin.
it's not that i want to. sometimes, it's just so damn hard to fight.
it's because i'm human;
i'm not perfect.
she doesn't even know anything about christianity.
all she has are these misconceptions of christians.
i wish i can explain to her;
i wish i can explain to everyone like her.
but she won't understand. she can't understand.

but maybe hearing this has some good points, too.
it means i have to try THAT much harder to live out the life that God wants me to.
i need to set an example of how a true christian should live her life.
oh, the pressure.
trying to balance two distinct worlds as one -- the nonbelievers and the believers.
bring me back to the cross, Lord.
help me to do better.
give me wisdom and strength.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.  For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. -- Hebrews 12:1-3

하나님..!!

hear my cry, O Lord..

why do You put me in these same yearly situations but the only difference is that the situations are becoming more challenging to overcome..
i've failed each and every time already, so why give me a more difficult trial when You know i'm going to fail..

these trials are suppose to make us stronger.. yet, why do i feel weaker each time?

please help me to fight against the world. please help me to win the war.

fight the good fight, selena. fight it.

last resort

"by the time you're 30 and you're still single, you're going to marry _____. this is a marriage contract." -- a stupid idea created by a silly bro against my own will.
unfortunately, the person whose name is in the blank has without hesitation strongly agreed to the contract. probably because he is now secure that he will never end up alone. well, too bad, buddy. it ain't gonna happen. h-e-double-hockey-sticks effin' no.

"if we're still single by our late-30's, you wanna just get married to me?" -- asked by my bro with a serious face.
oh my gosh. i find this so hilarious, hahahaha. i didn't know that boys, too, are scared of being alone and not ever getting married. ohhh, you silly, silly boys. smh (<-- this is my first time using this word!)

i also find this highly amusing because it makes me wonder... to these boys, do i look like i'll never end up getting married? i'm okay with the fact that i won't ever get married but i don't want people to see me as a non-marriageable person. there's a huge difference between the two. and also, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! i'd rather be alone than get married to someone whom i don't l-o-v-e (i still can't type this word out. i'm working on it). i also don't want to be anyone's last resort. pfft!

oh, happy may!

i remember writing quite a few depressing entries back in may of last year. but here i am, a year later, so very thankful for life :) and growing steadily in my walk with God :) this month is going to be soo good! it has already been a wonderful beginning with the happy visits from good bros aka "the-jerks-who-pick-on-me-nonstop" (hehe). and during the next 31 days, i will continue to be engaged with familiar faces. my 3 norcal gfs will be visiting me in a few days to celebrate an early 25th with me; i'm so spoiled by them, haha. i've also scheduled many catch-up dates with friends and i can't wait to hear their updates and spend time with them. i'll also be done with my thursday night class in 3 weeks and will be able to finally attend yag's bible study. and finally, my best friend (currently living in the east) will be visiting home during the time that i will be home for my dad's birthday. God's timing can't get any more perfect than this :)

oh, may... i'm going to like you a lot this year! but if you'd like to be my favorite 2012 month, then could you lighten up a bit and start showing some more shine instead of these gloomy drizzles? thanks :)

we are growing up

whenever i hear my guy friends talk about what they would do for their future wife, or how they would propose, or what they would want their wife to be like, i can't help but smile and find it so endearing. BUT. at the same time, i find it soo weird to hear these guys talk about their future wife so nonchalantly, so casually. i mean, i shouldn't be surprised to hear anyone talk about their future someone because we all are growing up. and having a future someone is a part of life; it's normal. and most people would argue that the next step in life, after finding a job, is marriage. so then, why do i feel so weird when i hear anyone talk about their future significant other? is it because i still may possibly be very young at heart and see myself and every one of my friends as young kids rather than adults? or is it because i'm not comfortable to talk/hear about the possible existence of a future husband in my own life? hmm.. for whatever reason it may be, i need to get used to hearing the terms, "wife/husband," from my friends. they're just growing up.

as always

right before a big exam, i always find myself logging onto blogger and fleshing out all my thoughts onto my online journal. why is that so? shrug.

i'm a little nervous for my test, but i'm also unusually calm about it. i know i'm going to have to retake it to get my ideal score (ideal? or just plain unrealistic?) and i'm actually okay with that. i wouldn't mind taking the exam again, and i've also very well accepted the fact that i'll have to take the newer version of it (why do these exams keep changing, anyway? how annoying).

all in all, i just want to do my best. and leave everything up to Him. and trust that He will take care of me.

d.rose

my first time seeing his smile.

he rarely ever smiles.

so, this is a very special treat.

he's hot. i like him. a lot.

my bucket list

my best friend made a bucket list and i thought it was a pretty cool idea. i never heard of a bucket list before and i don't know why it's called a bucket list... why a "bucket?" hmm.. well, anyway, i figured i'd start on my very own list because i love lists and i think they're so fun to create, haha. here's my work-in-progress in no particular order:

-- explore a cavern to see the stalagmites and stalactites
-- go star-gazing
-- go fishing
-- go on a hike
-- ride a horse
-- attend a celine dion concert
-- travel to europe
-- make an impact on someone's life
-- see the niagara falls
-- verbally say those 3 little words to my parents
--give my dad a hug-- see my family come to Christ
-- take a cake baking/decorating class
-- take a painting class
-- take my mom on many trips (she wants to explore the world)
-- see my relatives all together in one place
-- buy a lottery ticket (i still can't believe i haven't bought one yet)
-- be able to successfully rap a song
-- see jeremy lin play LIVE!!
-- see derrick rose play LIVE!!
-- go to a lakers game
-- be super involved at church (whether it's at Hope or elsewhere)
-- read the whole bible (my one-year reading plan has been going well so far!)
-- participate in a nonprofit organization
-- sponsor a child(ren)
-- complete my pooh bear 1000-pieces photo mosaic puzzle
--explore SF (i'm from the bay and i have yet to explore SF -.- )-- try out the many baking/cooking recipes that i've accumulated over the years
-- host a fancy dinner party for my friends and go all out! (now i definitely need to learn how to cook, haha)
-- host either a thanksgiving or christmas dinner for my relatives
-- grow my own tomato plant (i got this idea from a '90s k-drama, "tomato," haha!)
-- attend an african american church service (i love gospel music!)
-- fly a kite
-- go to an observatory and look through the huge telescope (i love astronomy)
-- see the bioluminescent red tide that creates glow-in-the-dark ocean waves
-- make a snowman
-- go strawberry picking (or any type of fruit-picking)-- spoil my cousins' and closest friends' future babies (haha :D)
-- watch jabbawockeez perform LIVE

... this is my list so far. there are a lot more things i'd like to do (some that i shall not list because they're either too cheesy or embarrassing, or just because i don't want to, hehe :P ) and i'm sure i'll come back to this list and add things here and there. i hope that when i come back to this list in the later future, i'll be able to cross off some of these activities, especially those that involve family :)

the beauty of aging

"as you become older, you begin to grow more comfortable under your own skin. i think this is one of the beauties of aging" -- a sister from Hope

i think this is true. as each year passes, i'm becoming just a little bit more confident and a little less shy and intimidated of people. and i'm learning a lot of this from the ongoing and cyclical changes, and the diverse ethnicities of the young adult group at Hope.

i smile :)

"Today's a new day, but there is no sunshine.

Nothing but clouds, and it's dark in my heart,

and it feels like a cold night.

Today's a new day, but tell me where are my blue skies,

where is the love and the joy that You promised me

You tell me it's alright.

 

(The truth is)

I almost gave up, but a power that I can't explain (the Holy Ghost power, yo)

fell from heaven like a shower now.

I smile, even though I hurt, see I smile,

I know God is working so I smile,

Even though I've been here for awhile,

I smile, smile..

it's so hard to look up when you've been down.

Sure would hate to see you give up now

You look so much better when you smile"

-- Kirk Franklin, "I Smile"

movies & moscato

considering that i have 3 weeks until the big day, i don't think i should be having movie marathons (watched  the "Lord of the Rings" and the Bourne trilogy) while enjoying a bottle of sweet moscato. but this weekend was an exception (thank you, Good Friday and Easter. but ultimately, thank You, God), and it will be my last weekend of merriment until the end of this month. after tonight, no more movies and no more moscato. it will be all about the G to the M to the A to the T.

... dang, i want a good score soo badly... 

thankyou

i don't think i'll be going back to fb world anytime soon. i feel more liberated and a lot happier without it. and although it's a great tool for keeping in touch with people, i personally don't feel like i'm out of reach for any of my good friends. and for these friends, i am ever so grateful for their consistent efforts in keeping in touch. thankyou :)

not yet

... yea, i'm not ready.

2012 resolution.

stick to it.

passion

ever since i signed up with twitter, i've been exposed to different types of people who each have a strong passion or a life-long dream that s/he wants to fulfill. i suddenly found myself following these people, wanting to learn more about their goals and their motivation behind their goals. after looking at a multitude of people's twitters, i took a step back and realized that i don't have a passion for anything.

i've been living life day-to-day, seeing time pass by me, and life just seems so stagnant. i wish i could wake up every morning and cheerfully say that today will be another day to strive for my goal(s). but instead, i wake up and think of the meals i'll be having, or which coffee shop i'll be studying at, or what time the knicks will be playing. (haha)

i feel like the tin-man from the wizard of oz who has no heart -- who feels nothing, really. but don't get me wrong; i love my family and friends, i love my life in san diego, and i even strangely appreciate studying for the gmats. or maybe i appreciate it because it gives me an excuse to enjoy some peace and quiet at a cafe almost every day. hmm. haha, anyways.

the point is... i want a dream. a goal. a passion. i don't want to live another day where i'm just living life because it's the only choice i have. i want to live life for a reason, a purpose, a calling. what does God want me to do or who does He want me to become? i wish i knew the answer. you would think after almost a quarter of a century, i would finally know my heart's desires. but to be honest... i don't.

but i hope that one day, something will spark my interest and will make me feel like i've been born for "this," whatever "this" may be.

shinhwa

after being on hiatus since 2007, one of my all-time favorite kpop boy bands is back! hello, SHINHWA!! :D this group of 14yrs has brought me so much joy and happiness and comfort.. i still remember blasting their music when i was sad, or angry, or super happy.. their music would be on repeat for days in my mom's car while she drove me to school or wherever we had to go.. i would always have to listen to their cd's before i went to bed. sometimes, i would sleep really late just to listen to their songs, haha. my parents saw me crush SOO hard on junjin, and then dongwan, and then eric. my mom started to develop her own crush on dongwan! hahaha~ i remember drawing sketches of some of them, and would cut out newspaper clippings of them.. oh my, oh my... i was crazy in love with these 6 boys :)

whee, i'm so happy! the combination of j.lin and shinhwa has made me feel like a teenage fangirl all over again, haha. i love it! *squeals with joy* :)